Shadow Horse Studios LLC Blog

Hoofbeats and Heartbeats First Annual Benefit Raffle

2012-01-28T04:13:00.000-08:00

Giving back plays a very big part in my life and my artwork. I make a habit of donating to many animal rescues and rehabilitation programs. I have decided to start a new annual art raffle here at Shadow Horse Studios LLC that promotes a selected rescue/organization each February, just in time for Valentine’s Day!

The Hoofbeats & Heartbeats Benefit will be an online raffle where Shadow Horse Studios's Fans have the opportunity to win an original work of art while supporting a chosen rescue/organization. This year’s piece entitled, “True Gold, is a 6”x6”oil on canvas mounted Board. Each raffle entry costs $1.00 and you may enter as many times as you would like.

This past year I donated a few prints to the Second Wind Adoption program at Crossed Sabers Stables which brought new clients my way. I am very grateful for the clients as I am jumping back into my art/photography full time and have just started really utilizing my FB page and other social networks to promote myself. I don't like spending money on advertising as I have found word of mouth goes a long way and is the most beneficial for me and potential clients, yet, I do want to actively promote myself to reach other potential clients but in a way that helps others out. In lieu of paying out the ears for advertising I find that many of the social network platforms have a longer reach than most printed magazines and for now, it is free! Plus, I have the added benefit of knowing all money earned and items donated went to a cause that truly needs the support, especially in these hard economic times.

ALL MONEY raised goes towards Second Wind Adoptions at www.crossedsabers.com I will be posting further information about the Hoofbeat and Heartbeat in a few weeks. The raffle will go live via the Shadow Horse Studios LLC Facebook Fan Page on a secure page on the first of February that only fans will be able to access!
Stay Tuned...

To find out more about their program visit http://www.crossedsabers.com
If you are an animal rescue organization and would like to be considered for our art raffle in the future, please contact me directly at lwarren@shadowhorsestudios.com I am not limiting my raffle to horse related causes only, wildlife, rehabilitation efforts, all animal rescues and or organizations will be considered!

Freebie Action Set for Digital Artists/Photographers

2012-01-27T13:38:00.000-08:00

I have uploaded a free action set download for everyone! I get sick to my stomach when I see people spending BIG $$ on actions. If you do buy your actions, I suggest that you do not pay anymore than $1-$10 max! I personally cannot believe people are willing pay tp $$$ for actions? Really? Do yourself a favor and sign up for a digital photo course at a local college before shelling out the big bucks on actions. As someone who has a background in digital art/computer art, I know there are a variety of FREE resources out there where you can get some truly amazing free actions.

I have spent a lot of time and even some money researching this! I am seeing people pay a college course tuition cost for ONE SET OF ACTIONS? Geesh...ripped off...it makes me sad. There are many who have taken such courses, come home with an armload of actions and then tweak and retweak their actions, market them as their own, and sell them for UBER bucks! If you sign up for a college level digital photography course or two, you will be given access to a number of action sets that you can then use, you will also be trained on how you can CREATE YOUR OWN!

I know there will be some upset with my rant, but honestly, this is how I feel about it and thus, I have created a bunch of awesome freebies! I don't believe you should have to pay for them...enjoy!!

Download it Here Now
http://glasseyedpony.com/actionszip/alledgedout.zip

Updates & Then Some...

2012-01-11T10:33:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Everyone!

I am trying to make a habit out of writing in my blog at least once a month. My New Year started off with a bang! I have taken on a some commissions which I will be showing here and on my FB Fan page. The first two showcase horses of course! A thoroughbred jumper named Ren and a lovely older Paso Fino gentleman! That is all I will tell you for now. I will continue to post my progress along with photos soon! I am also working on another fantasy piece, a woodland elf maiden but haven't decided what medium to make her in. I am leaning towards watercolors or colored pencil, or perhaps a mixed media approach with those two mediums.

As for my Facebook New Year's giveaway, I am currently offering a custom 6"x6" colored pencil portrait raffle. All you have to do is click like on the offer and your name will be entered into the drawing. The winner will be announced at the end of January! That's it for now!

Later
L.Warren

Tracey Pennito Photoshoot 12.26.11

2011-12-31T08:09:00.000-08:00

12.26.11 photo shoot in Bristol Connecticut with model Tracey Pennito, I was able to collaborate a shoot with photographer/artist Kevin Stiles who is also a former teacher of mine! Some of these photos were take in artist Chris DuFour's art studio.

Snowfall Lullaby Texture Giveaway

2011-11-23T01:57:00.000-08:00

Wanted to let everyone know that my newest Facebook Fanpage Giveaway is up! I am offering 15 grainy, icey, bokeh-ey textures for your photographic and digital art needs!

WATCH IT GROW

2011-11-21T16:39:00.000-08:00

I will be utilizing this blog more and more. Make sure to follow me and watch it grow. I plan on posting lots of useful information-my experiences of managing mommy-hood and a full time art/photography career. Make sure to join my BlogFrog community if you are a creative professional also playing the balancing act of parent and work from homer!

Snowfall Lullaby Texture Set Giveaway

2011-11-21T10:33:00.000-08:00

Hey there photography and digital artist friends. My Snowfall Lullaby Texture Set 1 will be available for a free download midweek! You have to be a facebook fan of mine in order to obtain this creatively delicious freebie! A wonderful wintery theme just in time for the season!

Finally a Facebook First Giveaway

2011-11-20T09:05:00.000-08:00

I promised everyone a monthly Facebook Giveaway and I haven't upheld my end of the bargain due to computer melt down that left me without my computer or my files. I lost my original Facebook First Giveaway piece when my computer went skitzoid. To make up for that I am giving two Fine Art Photography pieces away in a random drawing.

He Walks Away With My Heart

Yesteday's Summer

How to Enter:

Go to my facebook Fan Page and make sure you are a fan. Then hit "like" underneath the giveaway pieces. I will use the names that are "liking" the image to create a random drawing. The winners will be announced on my Facebook fan page and will also be contacted by private message. The winners must provide me with their mailing address in a "PRIVATE" message so that I can send them their piece!

The images chosen for this month will actually run until Dec 15th. The next single image chosen will start the New Year. This months images are two, the first entitled, "He Walks Away With My Heart" the second, "Yesteday's Summer" and both are 8"x10" fine art photographic prints printed on archival Kodak Supra Endura Silver Halide Professional Photographic Paper with archival Epson Ultrachrome professional inks.

Facebook First Giveaway

2011-09-30T15:45:00.000-07:00

I have a bone to pick with those contemporary art shows that do not hold digital art categories. These shows are to me, not only antiquated, but are demonstrating a closed-minded attitude -which is an incomprehensible abberrant behavior to be practicing in the world of art. Luckily such shows are becoming far a few between. Times are changing and all medias used to make art, should in fact, be allowed.

There are some of us who remember the times when artwork generated from photo references where "snubbed" and more recently the pictures taken with digital cameras. Computers are only the next step of progression in the art world and technology isn't going away any time soon. So let us all live in the present! For those of you who still do not understand digital art and painting created using such programs as Corel Painter or Adobe Photoshop, please just type in "digital" painting in your next google search and please do not confuse "photomanipulatoin" with digital painting.

I am also creating a new piece for the first ever Shadow Horse Studios LLC print giveaway. This piece is a digital equestrian themed piece but I will be offering wildlife, landscapes, seascapes, fantasy, as well as traditional made artworks in future giveaways as I realize that not all of my fans are here for my "horse art" or my digial art but my other art as well!

Like always, my print comes with a certificate of authenticity and all my Giclee prints are created on archival Somerset Velvet or Archival Canvas. My first giveaway will be on Somerset Velvet. I will be posting more information on this giveaway in the next couple of days but for now I will share the sequence development of the artwork! You must "like" my fan page to take part in my giveaway.

Here are the first few stages

Justin and Allison August 6 2011

2011-09-10T03:56:00.000-07:00

My recent wedding shoot assignment-The Wedding of Justin Pool and Allison Evans in Dayton Ohio at the Cox Arboretum Metropark.

Coming Together

2011-08-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

My studio is finally done to the point where I can actually start working in it and this makes me so incredibly happy! The doors leading from the studio and into my husbands office need to be custom built due to the odd size of the doorway openings and my computer cabinet needs to be refinished before it can be moved in, but other than that, I am all set to go.

I grossly under estimated how long it was going to take. Once my son made his appearance into the world everything else took a backseat, but that's okay, he was well worth it!Now Connor has a small portion of my studio where his pack and play and his blanket go while I work. I feel so blessed being able to work with my son right by my side.

The first week of August found me in Dayton Ohio for my brother's wedding. Initially I was supposed to be in the wedding myself, but he and his fiance were on a really tight budget and he was saddened when he saw that a photographer nearly cost more than half his entire budget. I thought it would be better for me to give him my services as a gift. I really didn't want to have to squeeze my post pregnancy body into a dress anyways.

I couldn't have been happier as the wedding took place outside outside at the Cox Metropark Arboretum in Dayton Ohio! I was elated to be able to give my brother this gift as well as be able to use it as a portfolio building experience.

Vermont and Minority Recognition

2011-07-10T03:22:00.000-07:00

*My grandfather was 1/4 Abenaki so it makes me happy to see this :) His mother was half Abenaki and Irish (O'Hara)and had to give him up for adoption directly after he was born. He struggled with his own identity while growing up but I am fond of the memories I have with him at the powwow gatherings along the CT river that runs its course throughout New England.

On April 22, 2011 Vermont officially recognized two Abenaki Bands; the Nulhegan Band of the Coosuk-Abenaki and the El Nu Abenaki Tribe.

The Vermont Elnu (Jamaica) and Nulhegan (Brownington) bands' application for official recognition was recommended and referred to the Vermont General Assembly by the Vermont Commission on Native American Affairs on January 19, 2011 as a result of a process established by the Vermont legislature in 2010. Recognition allows applicants to seek scholarship funds directed to American Indians and to receive federal "native made" designation for the bands' arts and crafts. [10] The Koasek of the Koas (Newbury) band and the state's largest band, the Missisquoi, have also requested recognition. [10]

Slowing Down

2011-07-09T10:11:00.000-07:00

I have returned from a trip up east to visit New England, my birth place! The trip was wonderful and my son, now 8 weeks old, really enjoyed himself. It was a week full of firsts for him; first long road trip, first swim in the pool, first boat ride and swim in the CT river at Hamburg Cove, first trip on a metro train, first trip into a city (the Bronx), first trip to a zoo! He is now exhausted and has been sleeping long hours through the night and the day. Luckily this gives my husband and me some time to ourselves!
Everything has me thinking-I’m thinking about poetry. Poetry came easy to me last year. It poured out of me. I’m not saying it was good. Just that it poured. Like Morton salt. It seems tougher to write now. I have to slow down to write poetry...slow down.

Slowing down
to think and to write...
slowing down
to appreciate the day
and the night
slowing down
to catch up
relax and breathe

Learning to live slowly is a difficult thing in this day and age!

Tough Mudder New England

2011-06-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

Well I am writing just to inspire myself once again to get the Tough Mudder New England course under my belt. I had a dream of doing it this year however I found myself expecting a little bundle of joy who was due around the time this course even took place! I had trained really hard for the Tough Mudders I wanted to participate in and found myself in the best shape of my life, even better than when I was a Division 1 college athlete!

Tough Mudder New England takes place in Mount Snow Vermont and the course is designed by British Special Forces. I believe it is one of the most difficult Mudder courses on the circuit, hence the reason why I am wanting to do this event. I am more invested in training for the Mudders of 2012 than ever before as I have the dreaded baby fat to lose!
Check out the New England Tough Mudder video from this year...
http://youtu.be/ObcX5ZopSZE

It is hard to believe this was me just 11 months ago before baby:

Birthday Shots

2011-06-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

My studio is nearing completion and I am hoping it will be fully done by August 1 so I can begin working. Time is ticking July, is a busy month of travelling for us so our time to work on the studio is running away from us. I will be leaving for Block Island and Connecticut for the week of July 4th then we will be leaving for the Jersey Shore the last 4 days of July and then I am off for a wedding shoot in Dayton Ohio.

I did manage to pick up my camera this weekend for myself, not a hired job, so I didn't bring my best equipment with me, but I did get some cute shots of my nephew and my own newborn son :)

Also played around in my lilly garden last week shooting some abstracted macro shots...

Kevin Connor 5.14.2011 8lbs 3 oz 21 inches

2011-05-31T14:46:00.000-07:00

Hey All,

I want to introduce my son Kevin Connor! He was born at 6:23am 5.14.11 weighing in at 8lbs 3 oz and 21 inches long. He is my little angel and is currently the reason why I have been "quiet" with the blog and the studio site as well as my Facebook fanpage. Once I settle into the routine of being a mom I will get back into the studio to get more art done! August 1 marks the date I go back to work full time but as an artist out of my home studio :)

Rocky Mountain Horse

2011-05-12T06:18:00.000-07:00

I saw a Rocky Mountain Horse last year who had the most amazing color. Deep liver chestnut with a nearly silver mane. Very striking, and so I was inspired to create a painting of him. I started it last year and just finished early early this morning (1am). Baby was restless last night and I wasn't able to sleep comfortably so I killed time by making art! What else can I do at that time in the morning while I wait for this stubborn little boy of mine to make his appearance into this world!

Shadow Horse Studios LLC's First Ever Digital Painting Video Tutorial Part II

2011-05-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to give another brief update on some the things I am planning to have available for my customers, students, and clients in the upcoming future. I have been diligently learning the ropes of a new video program that will allow me to create online teaching workshops directly from my website. It is my plan at this time to offer Adobe Photoshop, Corel Painter, Prisma Colored Pencil, and watercolor/ink tutorials to start with.

Digital art is what I am mostly known for in the illustration world that I market myself for (equestrian and fantasy focus). My Prisma Colored Pencil and Watercolors/Inks works are what my collectors are really "digging" right now. I often get a lot of requests to teach my techniques and so I have decided that offering online workshops will be highly beneficial for me and potential students!

The first workshop I am working is an Adobe Photoshop Tutorial with a sketch of an Andalusian stallion that will be downloadable for all who sign up for the tutorial, which they will use to follow along with the tutorial step by step!

Sneak Peak of things to come

The Sketch We Will Start With

What the Finished Product will Look Like...

It is my hope to teach those of you interested in Digital Art all the tips and tricks of creating TRUE original digital painting WITHOUT cheating and using cloning and smudging on photographs!

New Older Works...

2011-05-10T06:25:00.000-07:00

I am patiently waiting for my "overdue" baby to be born! I am anxious and full of anxiety so I have been going through my old scrap works and finishing them up. Also using a few of them to design a few online workshop tutorials for Adobe Photoshop and Corel Painter! I am slowly learning a new video editing program that I am actually enjoying quite a bit :)

Shadow Horse Studios LLC's First Ever Digital Painting Video Tutorial

2011-05-09T04:36:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am currently working on my first Digital Art Tutorial Video. I will also have this same video made into an easily readable PDF download file a well- complete with working PSD files for your practice. There will be a small lesson fee to download and do this tutorial on your own providing you have all the necessary programs and equipment. I also plan on hosting a critique gallery where students can upload their complete images to share with the option of asking for critiques!This tutorial will be taught on Adobe Photoshop. This tutorial will be designed for those artist who already have working knowledge of Adobe Photoshop as well as a basic to advanced understanding of color theory and painting techniques.

Stay Tuned!!!

Every Picture Can Potentially Tell a Lie Part III

2011-05-08T13:11:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to finish up with the "final" digital painting finish. Total time spent was only 7 hours which in all honesty is barely sufficient, but this was just meant to be a brief demo and vent session for myself and my raging pregnancy hormones! As far as cheating digital artists go, there is also another sneaky trick I have seen employed as well! Using the clone tool set to a "fany schmancy" brush curser, I have seen artist have two images open on their screen, one of the "photograph" they are "painting" and the other of the line drawing sketch they did.

They set the curser to clone over the photograph and use the strokes they are making with their curser on that photograph to paint on top of their "sketch". Which is essentially no different than smudging the "below" photograph onto a top layer using the "sample all layers" choice!

Well I stop my venting for now and continue on showing my own method for digital painting, which is all hand-done! No cheap tricks here!

This is the final image (followed by the steps):

My horse Crush when he was just 5 years old:

Below is a close up of the head. Remember I duplicated all the folders and then merged the horse folder copy with the horse detail folder copy. This created a single layer of all the "horse layers" combined. I then deplicated this layer so I have "two". Just in case I mess one up!

Below is the same image as above except the "finishing" layer was turned off. So you can see the "roughness".

Below again, is the same image but with the "finishing layer" turned back on.

The image below has the feet detail layer made visible, the finishing layer made visible, the background finish layer made visible, and the horse layer copy 2 made visible. Also notice that the layer has a drop shadow and inner shadow filter applied to the later at a very low % of opacity and set to mulitply, just for added depth.

The finished piece with the backgroun folder turned on so we can how it all works together!

Enjoy!

Every Picture Can Potentially Tell a Lie Part II

2011-05-08T06:19:00.000-07:00

This is part two of my little short demo/diatribe, whatever you want to call it it, showing the progression of a digital painting. I think it is very important for the art collector and those who deeply appreciate art to see the work and effort that goes into making a digital work of art. It is also important to not be fooled by digital painting as it can be "easily" faked. I am seeing it more and more and sadly the older generations of artists and collectors who are not so "tech savvy" as the younger generations are, are unaware of this.

I am seeing far too many digital fine artists out there simply calling a "photograph" a digital fine art painting, when all they have done is created a digital fine art photograph! While their work may look painterly and hand-done, and albeit beautiful, all the artist has really done is put a photo on the base layer in Photoshop or Corel Painter, and used the smudge tool with varying different brushes and the sample all layers choice with additional layers on top of the original photo layer and created what they are claiming to be a "hand-done" digital painting.

I have seen the work of artists who are doing this and unfortunately these artists are living in countries where certain copyright laws are not applicable to them! Sad as it is, they get away with it, even when many of us are recognizing the photography that they are using and literally stealing from the photographer who took the image! The world of copyright law has been keeping an ever vigilant eye on this "dilemma" and because of this, there have been a number of new programs being released that can actually read a digital image.

Believe it or not, every single action you use, stroke you produce, and photograph you use in a digital work of art is all "encoded" into that work. No matter how cut up, spliced, blended, smudged, even if the original layer containing the photograph is removed, the code for every single thing you have already done is embedded into that image and can be read with these programs! So if you are caught using images not belonging to you, you better have permissions and rights granted for the use of those photographs!

You can click on these images to make them larger if you cannot see the layers I have. I have made three folder containing different layers. One for the background on the bottom, one for the horse, and the third for the horse's detail. I also have a new layer called Finish. I get to that new layer is all about in a little bit.

I just wanted to show a close detail of the face. It is still a little unpolished and rough. I do however what to keep that "chalky" painterly feel to this piece.

Here is another close up of the legs, which are not finished, not even close, but because there isn't a significant amount of detail on the legs like there is on the face, there isn't as much for me to do here to make them feel more complete.

I have gone and made duplicates of all my folders and their contents. My purpose of doing this is so I can merge all the horse layers into one and all the background layers into one. I still want to keep all the original layers broken up and separate, which is why I made duplicates. But I have not included the "Finish" layer into these merges. It is still separate!

So for this final screen shot before I continue on to Part III of this little tangent of mine, I would like you to notice I still have my original folders, however I merged the contents of the copied horse folder with the copied horse detail folder. Doing so created one layer containing just the horse in its most complete progression. Now I have a horse and a separate background. I will be going in and "polishing" the horse up and the background. Then I will move to the "finishing" stages.

Stay tuned...

Every Picture Can Potentially Tell a Lie

2011-05-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

If You Know Where to Look For The Truth!

My husband and I went out yesterday to buy more “stuff” to help aide us in the completion of getting ready for the arrival of our first child. Needless to say, I am pregnant and miserable at this particular stage, I was hoping our baby boy would make his way into the world this week, but he seems to have decided that he is quite content in the safety of my womb for now. Being that I am so uncomfortable I spend quite a lot of my time sitting down and relaxing, trying not to think about the discomfort. Anyone who has ever been pregnant knows what I am feeling like!

My husband, in his efforts to show his sympathy and support for my current discomfort did buy me a magazine off the rack that I do occasionally like to peruse through. I used to subscribe to this magazine years back but stopped my subscription when the magazine became too predictable and, in my own opinion, appears to market mostly toward “other artists.” It has in my eyes become a magazine where “artists” find inspiration from other artists and not one which draws clients and collectors to their direct market.

I became inspired to discuss digital art once again, after reading an article in this particular magazine about “digital art” and because I was a little baffled by the claim that the artist was digitally painting his/her piece from scratch completely by hand, since this artist didn’t really show his/her digital palette or his/er full reference images, or screen shots. This really bothers me, and I wish this artist would have shown EVERYTHING in his/her repertoire where anyone with expert knowledge in digital arts can clearly see when an artist is using a photograph as the base layer and then using the smudge tool and the “sample all layers” choice selection. I have some major doubts about this particular artist’s claim that his/her work is “all hand done”, especially without showing his/her screen shots and full steps, to prove otherwise. I will not deny the fact that the images this artist creates are in fact gorgeous! I just challenge the claim that this artist "isn't using a photograph as a "base layer".

I didn’t spend 7 years in some of the top art schools in this country being mentored by some of the finest illustrators and artists working in the world today and learning about all the “nifty” tricks of the trade, ins and outs, and the dos and don’ts! I will question any inconsistency I see in someone’s claim or work ethic. My illustration background is rooted deeply in the digital arts realm and can honestly say that many of the programs of today can create amazing works of art without the mess of actual real-life art making products. Adobe Photoshop and Corel Painter are my favorites by far and I use both interchangeably with each other to produce the best artworks I can.

The smudge tool with the sample all layers with the photograph on the bottom layer is a process that is the very well-known “secret dirty trick” to digital painting. I have used it, many have used it, and some of the best in the market have used it. It’s really no secret to any of us who do this work for a living. But honesty and integrity still hold their merits and for an artist to call his or her work “completely hand created” but use a photograph as a base layer is simply lying. In my opinion it is no different than printing a drawing or picture directly on canvas and then painting right on top of that! If you are going to do it, be honest be fair, otherwise you are hurting the reputations those who do not employ such tactics!

Call it what it truly is, digitally manipulated and digitally painted FINE ART PHOTOGRAPHY.

You should also know that one must be careful when telling “others” the work is COMPLETELY done from scratch without the use of photograph. And one must also be careful when using such a method. Why? Because whether you are aware of it or not, there are software programs out there that can in fact read the digital encoding of photographic images not matter how cut, spliced, painted, or smudged the original is, even if the image is used on a “bottom” layer and erased later when the final image is complete. These programs can in fact alert the person scanning the image for the presence of any photography used, right down to the make, model number of the camera, the F-stop, the date, and in some cases even the name of the photographer who took the image. These programs can read this no matter how manipulated the final image maybe!
Artists working exclusively in the “digital fine arts market” will most likely be able to get away with cheating techniques because, well let’s face it, the general public oohing and awing over the artworks really do not have the knowledge or expertise to know any better. Though be warned, the younger generations of collectors and clients are technologically savvy now and also have a bit of a clue, so be extra cautious!

Artists and illustrators working in the commercial art market must be very cautious to this. There are many art directors and art editors who will run their “special” programs and if they find the lie within the picture, the artist had better be able to explain himself or herself and provide proper documentation for the” right of use” with any photograph that they have used that is not taken by themselves, or they may find themself in court with some serious copyright infringement laws being enforced and a fine that can potentially cost over 150K.

That is why if you are working in the digital arts realm; keep all working PDF files on every image you have created. I keep a specific portable hard drive just for this purpose. That way if anyone claims you are “cheating” you can send them the proof and you have documentation of all your steps you used in creating your pieces. Though, I keep my files mostly for using them as instructional tools for teaching lessons, and I would also like to add that I am also looking forward to hosting online workshops in the very near future!
In closing you never know when someone will want to see your stages of work progress. There are a lot of skeptics in the digital art world still so be prepared to defend yourself!

A Sample of Digital Steps in a portrait I am doing of my horse Crush, these are done in Adobe Photoshop...

Step 1: The Sketch, first done on paper, then scanned in and tinkered with a bit using the contrast mode to make my pencil lines really dark. Erased and digitally drawn lines added to turn the sketch into a digital line drawing.

Step 2:My horse Crush is a dapple grey and I knew in my mind what my basic color palette would be to better contrast and show off the dapple grey. I chose purples. I made the background layer a gradient layer from dark purple to a medium purple color.

Step 3: I am "priming" my horse for the painting process. I selected the sketch of my horse then filled it with a light lavendar color using the paint bucket. Then I started painting a light priming color using a wet media brush.

Step 4: I am using the same wet media brush and blocking in the dark dark, almost black, primer. I keep the horses shape selected so I "stay in the lines".

Step 5:Now I am moving onto the basic "blocking in" technique I use. I am blocking in the medium tone with what I call the light prime and the dark prime. It looks goofy right now, but it will all come together. Notice, that I still keep the horse selected so I stay in the lines.

Step 6:I created a folder called "horse" where all the intial stages of the horse will be kept. I am preparing to move onto blocking in the background.

Step 7:While the horse is selected I am going to now select the inverse so I anything I do in the background will stay in the background and not on the horse. I am going to start blocking in the lighter purplish white in the background using a dry media brush.

Step 8:I have kept the horse's shape selected and I am still working the light and now the dark into the background using the dry media brush.

Step 9:Here is what it looks like with the horse's folder layers made all visible.

Step 10:I usually used some found reference to use to look at for "color ideas", which is what I show here. These particular images, one of the being a resin horse by Carol Williams, were chosen because I needed goo reference for the dappling effect. I have photographs of my horse spread out on the table next to my computer to help me with his specific coloring.

Step 11:I have set up a folder now for the background and the horse and now I am working on the first "detail" layer where I start using my smudge tool. This is going to smooth out all my painting strokes.

Step 12, 13, 14:These next three steps just to demonstrate the time that goes into blending with the smudge tool and how it evolves.

~to be continued~ It is Kentucky Derby Time so I must leave this entry and demonstrate the remainder of this digital painting next time! Thanks for reading!

Shadow Horse Studios LLC's Newest Promotions

2011-04-27T14:18:00.000-07:00

Thinking about ordering a custom portrait commission of a pet, equine, loved one? Planning your wedding and need a photographer? Need to promote your stable business, riding career, or stallion? Check out my recent promotions!

Now Using Zazzle!

2011-03-20T05:00:00.001-07:00

I have started using Zazzle as well! I love the creative options it has for greeting cards etc, but I am disappointed that they do not offer card packs and at this time you can only buy one card at a time. I still think Cafepress has better products (or at least more of them). I like Zazzle because the store is free!

create & buy custom products at Zazzle

January 23, 2011-- Artist vs. Teacher (written by artist/teacher Kelly Coombs)

2011-02-25T03:08:00.000-08:00

The following is a blog entry written by another fellow artist as teacher. It hits home with me and reminds me of the wonderful school systems I have either worked directly or indirectly with through my experience with the arts as an artist professional. I will be writing more about this in a comment directly below this blod!

As artists, we have all been injected with a large dose of creativity and innovation-- whether we like it or not. In the classroom, these skills are helpful as we try to stay afloat in the sea of information-hungry students. We're curious, hardworking, and imaginative as well... More characteristics of an artist, that when coupled with the love of teaching, create a well-crafted art teacher. Patience also seems to be a big factor in the art room, especially when working with younger students. As artists, we're often used to working on projects for days and weeks at a time.. something that requires a lot of patience on our part. Bringing this particular skill into the classroom is one that will be a big help when first beginning to teach. Bringing our own art into our future classrooms is also a helpful way to blend the line between artist and teacher. Becoming a teacher doesn't mean we are no longer an artist or no longer have time to create work-- in fact, it should be the opposite. An art teacher can't be a teacher without first being an artist, and can't be an artist without some sort of teaching. The two, which go hand in hand within the art room, are important to see separately as well as together as one. As a teacher, continuing to create art is necessary if you're going to be teaching others about art. Setting aside weekly time to create art, sketch, brainstorm project ideas, etc. will help keep the juices flowing in the "art" half of our brains. Continuing to be creative and innovative will give life and power to the things we teach in the classroom.

Vieth starts by separating the two-- artist and teacher. By looking at the two roles separately, Vieth looks at significant qualities of each before examining the role of "art teacher" and performing the acts in tandem. Both artists and teachers have the opportunity to share knowledge and skills, as well as enthusiasm for their field. But when combined, this opportunity becomes even greater and the art teacher is able to be a leader to students. As art teachers, Vieth says we need to be actively involved in producing art. This way, we'll continue to maintain perspective and self esteem as an artist, before passing these traits on and teaching students to be artists as well. Without practicing our own set of skills, we will have no fine-tuned skills to teach our students. Like the example Vieth gives, by participating in the same projects assigned to our students, we will not only put ourselves on the same level as them, but also maintain our own set of skills and techniques. This is also another way to balance teaching technique with creativity-- demonstrating and showing students specific techniques, as well as using your own ideas and innovation to teach creativity. It will also be impossible to avoid "road bumps" along the way, but these teachable moments will allow us to respond to and challenge students in unexpected ways.

to see actual blog click here

New Year's Resolutions 1.1.2011

2011-01-04T06:46:00.000-08:00

I have an enormously promising year ahead of me. We all know that Rome was not built in a day, but gradually and deliberately over time. Patience is a virtue and I have been slowly and steadily growing my own art business over the last 8 years. I have done so nearly entirely on my own, though I am ever so grateful for the support I have had from near and dear friends and of course family. My husband and my father have been the largest supporters of my artistically creative endeavors. Their faith in me has given me the inspiration and the courage to keep on chasing my dreams.

I am so very proud of myself. In 2002 I was scared to take the plunge into reality and try to make it as a freelance artist. I didn’t want to be a starving artist, I didn’t want to live with my parents, and I didn’t want to struggle financially and be dependent on trying to adapt to living paycheck to paycheck. I took the safe route and went on to graduate school where I focused on my painting and was able to obtain a MFA and a MAT. Teaching is a great backup tool for the aspiring artist just as long as one enjoys working with students and being in front of an audience.

Prior to graduate school I already had teaching experience in the private sector and occassionally working within a few CT schools as a substitute or teacher's aid. I had been asked by principals to share my art experience with students in a few CT schools before I left for graduate school and I really enjoyed those experiences and used them to drive onward with my own goals.

Depending on where you teach, you may be able to find much success balancing both and be respected within the community as an “artist teacher”. I have found that schools throughout much of New England (I’m trying not to be biased) and parts of Maryland really value the arts and artists as teachers. School systems further down toward the south have been a disappointment to me in regards to their art programs, especially school systems that are within certain “right to work” states.

I won’t spin off on one of my tangents about public education, but if you would like to contact me in regards to my teaching experiences in relation to being an artist teacher, please do not hesitate to email me. As much as I love working with children creating and selling my artwork is my main passion. It is still my goal to teach, but instead I will be teaching private art lessons for all ages and abilities from my quiet studio nook in the Furnace Mountain range.

I have started the task of updating my website and still have so much to do within the gallery sections. I am also working on a lot of promotional items and marketing myself. I have gathered much information about my “ideal client” and have been marketing myself toward them. With taxes ever climbing those who do the most purchasing of original fine art are watching their discretionary incomes dwindle and aren’t spending as much as they normally would on art. I have decided to offer promotions and discounts to further entice potential clients and have found it to be working to my advantage.

I have found the vast majority of my business does in fact come from word of mouth and then from my online presence; both from my professional website and then from other websites that I am an active participant on. I have been networking with many artists and have met some truly talented people that I have shared many delightful conversations with. I have seen the varying perspectives on the world of art from artists working overseas as well as from artists working right here in the states. I have heard some very interesting thoughts and concerns being voiced.

With baby on the way, I find myself rushing to put pen to paper with some ideas I have for attainable New Year’s resolutions. I know my main focus will be just to grow my business and client list, but I also have some other resolutions that I am working on to help me with my creative journey…

• Offer more prints directly from my studio and website
• Create and sell A LOT more fine art
• Keep my blogs, news, and exhibition list current
• Enter more exhibitions
• Enter artwork and photographs in this year’s Waterford Fair
• Finish a children’s book
• Advertise myself more
• Create a piece of art everyday (this should really be top priority)

Motivation is a great tool, so if you happen to read this little blog, please DO pester me about these resolutions as often as you would like! Yes, the bulleted items are what I feel most strongly about accomplishing this year.

May your New Year’s be all that you could ever hope for and more! Go out there and chase your passion, live your dream, and may you succeed!

Newest ACEO Etsy Listings

2010-12-07T08:51:00.000-08:00

Now Booking Wedding Photography for 2011

2010-12-05T14:49:00.001-08:00

I am now booking wedding and event photography starting July 2011. Book your wedding event now and save! Make sure to check out the promotion tab at the top of this blog to see the latest deals I am offering.

BLOG CONSTRUCTION

2010-11-30T17:15:00.000-08:00

I am currently tweaking and reworking this blog...Be patient!

Fairytale Wedding: Charles and Brittani November 20, 2010

2010-11-22T12:41:00.000-08:00

I absolutely loved having the opportunity to photograph such an extraordinary fairytale wedding. Brittani Benedict wore an amazing smile and used it non-stop throughout the day, not once did I have to remind her to smile in any of her pictures! The day was beautiful and the location, Raspberry Plains in Leesburg, stunning with tons of windows and natural lighting, just what I love! I was able to play around a lot with diffused light and shadow which was wonderful.

I have known Brittani Benedict's mother, Jodi, since I first moved to Virginia and began working at the same elementary school, where Jodi taught Kindergarten. I designed Brittani's sister, Brandi's webpage, Sonrise Stables back in 2007. The Benedict family is a warm, loving, honest, and compassionate family, this is very evident even in the photographs I captured of them. I am so grateful they considered me for their wedding!

I took about 2700 photos and have narrowed my selection down to a large 840! I am posting a few samples from the day here for a sneak peek! I am now processing my chosen images and getting them ready for the proof process via my website! Stay tuned!

I love good clean natural photography, I feel that the digital age has allowed many photographers to rely too heavily on photoshop and computer manipulation and this is evident in the over-processed images you are seeing flood the market today. Many of today's digital photographers need to spend some time learning the basics and get an understanding of how their camera's work as well as the lenses. I consider myself lucky to have minored in photography and studied it in a time when film camera was the only option. I was taught how to see!

Please enjoy some samples from Brittani's and Charle's special day...

Waterford Faire 2010

2010-10-03T04:31:00.001-07:00

Kevin and I went to the Waterford Faire this weekend and had a lot of fun. Its not far from our house which is very nice, and we did debate riding our bikes. Our neck of the woods here in NOVA still hasn't been corrupted by the development of greedy housing developers lining the pockets of our even more greedy politicians. We are very fortunate and don't regret not having garbage pickup, or cable, or city water, or the likes out here. We are quietly nestled away from the craziness of NOVA life. THANK GOD!

There was so much art and photography there that I found a lot of inspiration. Some of the art was good some if it was mediocre, you know, the bored housewife trying her hand at painting, or the retired older folks wanting to explore their creativity. But there were few pieces there created by skilled well trained hands that obviously spent an entire lifetime studying and painting or photographing, the type of work that demonstrated they went to art school or spent years as an apprentice or second shooter.

There were many local organic farmers represented, musicians,weavers, furniture makers, jewelers, authors, potters, and period demonstrations. This particular area of Virginia I live in continually reminds me of Old Sturbridge Village in massachusetts, only it is a real working live town still and not just for tourists.

I did enjoy it and found a lot of inspiration and have found myself itching to get back to creating some more equine and animal pieces. Well I did take a few shots from the faire scene. Nothing great but some fun off the hip shots. Enjoy!

Thursday September 30th 2010

2010-10-03T04:26:00.001-07:00

A torrential downpour kept me from taking my normal shots today. So instead I waited and waited for the storm clouds to break, which didn't happen until later Friday just around sunset, so once again I took a few shots of the clouded sky. The clouds were slowly breaking up and I took that opportunity to get a few shots of the interesting cloud formations that occured. I can't complain too much as we needed the rain in a desperate sort of way :)

Thursday Sept. 23. 2010

2010-09-23T16:45:00.000-07:00

Just another Thursday...

Thursday 9.16.2010

2010-09-23T15:45:00.000-07:00

Well I have certainly had a busy month and I feel that statement is still an "under-statement." But better late than never, here are a few nature shots from the day...

New Journals at Shadow Horse Studios

2010-09-17T15:22:00.000-07:00

I have taken some time to create a small journal line! Check it out :)

Journal Abstract 1 Written Words Captured Shadow Horse Studios LLC Shoppe

Thursday Sept 9, 2010

2010-09-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

It was Thursday again! This time Thursday the nineth of September 2010 on my way home from work I didn't really find any inspiration, so I ended up walking down my dirt mountain road with Kevin and Cassie (doggie) looking for things of interest around the property and the road.

2nd Thursday Sept 2, 2010

2010-09-03T13:24:00.001-07:00

The second Thursday of the school year...Basically shots of my neighbor's yard, errr cattle farm. They own 500 plus acres including a stately thoroughbed stable (home of Genuine Risk) and a full sized perfected manicured racetrack (yes as in thoroughbred track) as well as two helicopter launch pads and four houses on a single property. Their home is the former Firestone Family estate (that's right the famous Firestone Tire family).

1st Thursday August 26, 2010

2010-09-03T13:12:00.001-07:00

I have decided to photograph every Thursday of the school year. Not all of it will be nature/landscape photos, most of it likely will be as this is what my "neighborhood" looks like as well as my entire commute to work :) These are photos from my first week of school :) Enjoy!

Ray Johnson & A Book About Death

2010-08-29T12:12:00.000-07:00

Acataleptic Certainty

Death
Mortal time
Drifting into eternity
Aeviternal soul without skin
Hereafter
© 2010 L.Warren

This is the poem that is mingled in with this image. I purposely wanted it to be muted and set to a low opacity because I wanted the viewer to be drawn to the piece and then discover the words. Don't forget this is a small format 4"x"6 piece and the viewer will be picking it up and interacting with it.

Most people who know me know that I take pictures solely for myself and because I then like to use the images as works of art in collages and poetry work of mine. When I heard about a the recent Ray Johnson & A Book About Death call for submissions, from my artist friend Ella Nitters (who is an amazing illustrator/artist herself) I was elated!

I love concepts that explore the unkown and the darker side of our reality. Death is both a mystery to us as it is a reality for us. We all have it in common. Personally I find the concept of death to be beautiful and frightening. I know I fear death because it is beyond my control and because it is a mystery. It is the fear of not knowing more so than it is the idea of "death" that scares me so.

I find death to be beautiful because it is a natural part of life. I truly believe that there is something magically and unexplainable that exists beyond our knowledge and comprehension. Whether or not that is God or more, we will never know, until it is our turn to experience it. But there is something more to dying that just dying, of that I am sure.

Creative Insecurity

2010-07-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

I recently read an article in this month’s Somerset Studio issue entitled "Creative Insecurity" by Quinn McDonald. It resonated deeply with the current struggles I have seen myself slip into during my own creative journeys. Quinn McDonald stated that, "Creative Insecurity occurs when we receive praise or recognition" and I would like to add, when we receive criticism, and when we are consumed by our own fear of exploring all creative possibilities.

Facing our insecurities is hard but worthwhile work if we choose to combat them. I am at the point in my creative path where I have to make a decision and choose. I want to be a full time artist. That is my dream, but the criticism I hear often, is that an artist needs a day job don’t ever count on making a living with your art. This sets me back and snuffs my dreams each time I hear it, and it hurts me so much because the one person who says this is the one person I admire the most, my mother. Yet she is also the one person that gives me the drive to keep pursuing my dream, so I can prove to her I can do this and be successful with my art. It would mean the world to me to prove this to her.

I am working diligently on two children’s books that I am very excited about, for those of you who know me personally, you all know that I have a goal of one day winning a Caldecott Medal. It may be a reach, but one that is certainly worth the effort. I also want to settle down and start a family, and this is by far and large my biggest dream, and one that truly fuels my desire to be a full time working artist. Being able to work from home while raising my own family is very important to me, and I will make no compromise on this, what-so-ever, otherwise I will not even consider having a family.

So I am slowly coming to terms with my bag of neurosis called, Creative Insecurity, and starting to plan and strategize the rest of my life and the future of my artistic endeavors. The artist inside me has realized that when we look at all of the elements of anxiety and insecurity and sit with them instead of run from them, they no longer look big or pursue us, we open up and become more creative. In fact I have found much inspiration in this realization, enough to allow me to explore new directions to take my own art. This has caused me to create pieces that are uniquely speaking from my core being in a way that I have not been able to do before. I have found a creative voice that speaks from the art that I create. I am excited to be creating fine art that is more evocative of my personality and I look forward to sharing that piece of myself with you in the months to come!

The Studio Space

2010-07-08T11:07:00.000-07:00

I am an artist, I have a studio, it may not be anything big or fancy but it serves its purpose and I find my inspiration within it and I find the pieces of me there as well. It is quiet, it is peaceful, it is my place I disappear into-a process that really isn't different from disappearing into myself. It is my sanctuary, while there are things that are missing in it-like a big window that faces the sun for instance, I know that it is still a place where I dwell deep in thought and deep in the creative spot. While it may only be 400 sq ft, some of my best ideas have been captured and created here. Someday, I am sure of it, I will have my "ideal" studio, but for now this is it. We all start small and start somewhere!

This is my zen space and let it be known I also meditate and do my Yoga in my studio too!

My snakes make their home just outside of my studio. Sometimes they slither out and say hi! Occasionally my cats strolls in to say hi and sometimes my dog too.

Hanging around my studio are many pieces of work that I created years ago. I like to remember the beginning of it all really. Keep it there with me to remember where it all started.

My little Buddha whose company I enjoy while I am meditating and reflecting inward.

My cabinet of secrets with, of course, birds, always birds and trees.

Where I do my digital work.

Where I keep all of my books, poetry, art books, literature, art educational books, and various larger canvases of works in progress. Right now I have a tree piece that I am working on for my master bedroom.

The best printer I have ever owned to date sits above the old radio my mother used in her classroom...hence the reason it is labeled "Mrs. Pool"!

Various works in progress here. An illustration of a certain Celtic warrioress, I will name for you all later,those of you familiar with your Celtic history will already know who she is. She is waiting to be finished up and sits patiently among a few other pieces of mine waiting their turn.

Multi-tasking, the Yoga ball is a great ab workout for while I paint. I highly recommend this! ;)

Various paints and supplies are tucked as neatly away as I can keep them in this area!

This box under my visual journaling desk is full of old books, computer parts, various papers, messed up artworks, scraps, you name it. The goodies I continually collect and go through when working on artwork

This is the area I do most of my work. A lot of writing, illustration thumbs and boards, even where I play my violin and clarinet when the urge presents itself.

Common Dandelion

2010-07-04T19:42:00.000-07:00

I want to be free like a weed-
A floret from taraxacum parachute ball released to breeze
A bright future nourished from a promising seed,
Land where I want to, taking root where I please.
This is the way I would like my life to be-
No worries not troubles, just a wild weed
In the moment living free
No constraints-only my own creed.

Timeline

2010-07-04T02:41:00.000-07:00

Timeline-Past and Present

this time next year
will be a new year
but still filled with the fear
this time will be the same next year

Realization #1

2010-07-03T12:57:00.001-07:00

I am eating alone,
only the silverware
breaks the silence

A Musing

2010-07-03T12:56:00.001-07:00

Isn't it strange how today always turns into tomorrow and yet somehow yesterday will always stay pieces of today?

Is not forever the fragments, those tiny pieces of everything that is and is not. Pieces of yesterday, today, and tomorrow cleverly woven together by the strings of Eternity, echoing the slow passage of time in soft whispers of pale blue light...forevermore?

Flop Flop the Turtle Top Roughs

2010-07-03T03:37:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to post a sneak peak at couple illustration rough drafts I have for a children's book I am working on, "Flip Flop the Turtle Top". The brief synopsis- the books is about a young girl who finds a painted turtle in the wild. Brings the turtle home in an effort to make a pet out of a wild animal. The moral of the story in a sweet and childish way..."never cage a wild thing". She returns the turtle to the wilds when she begins to realize how unhappy he is.

Some samples of the story board on the floor in my studio.

I wish I had a larger studio ;)

There are many steps that go into planning the whole book project. Right now the author (who is my mother) is reworking the story so it is more lyrical, as children like rhyming and it has been shown rhyming patterns play a significant role in the development of a child's mind. My only hope is the story doesn't change too much so I don't find myself going back and reworking the illustrations that are already complete.

Some close ups of the sketch process

I will be starting the color study phase this weekend. I am also working on the illustrations of another story I wrote. It is lyrical as well and is a story I had in my mind for quite sometime. I put it all down on paper last summer and spent the better part of the year rewriting and reworking it. Now I am starting the drawing phases. I will post more on that later. I hope to one day have a Caldecott Medal winning book (or books) under my belt.

I am working on a poetry book of my own and have started the layout design for the book. The poems are done and it has turned out to be a very autobiographical work. The poems, for the most part, explore the darker side of my life and the circumstances that I have been dealing with. The creation of this book has become a healing process for me.

Well that is about it for now! Cheerio.

Natural Inspirations

2010-06-30T17:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think living far away from civilization up in the Furnace Mountain Range isn't so bad when I have sunsets such as these. I took these a few days ago before I left for New England and just uploaded them onto my computer from my camera and can't believe how stunning they are...I think not having trash pick up is a good trade for the wildlife, natural sights, and natural sounds.

Inspirations & Creative Energies

2010-06-30T11:37:00.000-07:00

The sound of Cicadas, June Bugs, Crickets, the rapids in the river, the wind whispering through trees, that's the music that inspires me and all my ceative energies. Today I got lost in the summer forest to escape my reality to find some solitude and peace...pics of my adventure ;)

What is Forever

2010-06-28T19:21:00.000-07:00

I am playing around with the Visual Poetry using video, text, and photography. This one is really seriously in "the works" and still being edited because I am not quite happy with all my photos.

This video was inspired by one of my poems:

Time is Forever's Sepulchre

Time is Forever's Sepulchre
Everything is muted and doesn't seem as it was.
Every hour is so very different, than
the one that's long spent and past.
I am so easily misunderstood,
even by those who know me best, even by myself.
I ask too many questions that cannot be answered.
Simply because the ones that can be, bore me.

We begin as a grain of sand in an oyster.
Years go by, each stirring patterns
a layer around the crude partical of sand
More years go by, experience gained,
a measurement of time lived.
Making us what we are.
The envelope of time is merely our oyster shell.
Time plans our hours, days, and even years.

Time has set our limitations to dying:
because we will never have all the minutes,
or live by all the moments,
because we will never have all the time.

I know the world is rushing by me.
Everyone is scurrying like mice in a cat's cage,
trying to beat every minute by seconds.
I can't keep up, I can't breathe,
and I have no more secrets to hide.
The quicksilver web of time
runs brilliantly through my open fingers.
Metallic drops of rolling light
coming together, becoming a glimmering coat upon
transparent ordinary hours.

I continue contemplating time.
I can only guess that time is the measurement
of waves of motion.
Like hands revolving around an infinite galaxy ocean.
Time sets our thoughts a drift.
Time reminds us we are human.
It reminds us we are mortal.
But if time is the oyster shell,
then shouldn't the pearl be the soul?
If souls never die are we truly mortal?

Thoughts are a lot like time,
both roam like the sea.
I understand drifting and dreaming to be the same thing.
But please don't ask me why.
Because I won't ever know.
Contemplate it yourself.
Gifted are those blessed with thought,
and those capable of thinking.

Time often makes me feel
as though I am the elegy the poet left unfinished
Sometimes I wonder where I've been
and where I want to go.
I lie awake and think, think, think,
but I never seem to know.

My autonomic soul
resides within a revolving clock.
Around and around it goes,
Tick-tock-Tick-tock,
where will it stop?
Even I don't know.
A soul is but a transmutation of Primal Fire
molded from an experience developed
by an ever ticking time.

If time is an endless measure,
what then is forever?
It must be faceless and free.
It must be a great nothing and a great everything-altogether.
No edges. Forever is like no other thing

Yet still I contemplate....
meditating and reliving
that very hour, that very eve
When I first recognized that I would never
be able to ever figure it all out.
I think about many things always.
If there be such a thing as soul,
then truly we are not born without an end.
Infinitely we continue.

On and on.
Endlessly.
This life to the next.
If this is not the case
I shed tears for those who do waste
such precious years.

Time
We cannot best its relentless force.
For seconds, then hours,
then days, and years
they all seem to blend.
Time just like the sea,
will forever be
a virgin to the frustrations of captivity.

Time is forever's sepulchre.

Simply Gone

2010-06-28T10:18:00.000-07:00

Lonely Hour

2010-06-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

She closes her eyes, holds her breath,
Gives her hopes and dreams cheaply away,
Each new sunrise-only promises a sunset death,
Love and happiness feelings cleverly designed to fray,
She, still unsure in life, which direction to take,
Self-pity and isolation-her darkest creations,
Mind maddening thoughts she cannot shake,
Wanting salvation, knowing only tormenting frustrations.

Creative Behavior and the Abstract Thought Process

2010-06-26T14:17:00.000-07:00

Creative Behavior and the Abstract Thought Process
a study of art and cognition: understanding and enhancing unconscious and conscious abstract thought processes during the art making process
Part 1

Philosophical terminology defines abstract thought as a thought process wherein ideas are distanced from objects. Abstraction is a cognitive process and is often deemed as a difficult process for young children to comprehend. Yet when studying the artwork of young children, one very well notices how objects drawn from their reality are simplified and abstracted down into the simplest shapes and forms. We know and understand this to be because the child hasn’t mastered the skills required to create exact representational work. We also know a child’s mind is not mature enough to understand this very process of abstraction they are utilizing while drawing from life.

I have studied the works of Dennie Palmer Wolf of the Harvard Graduate School of Education and was very interested in her studies of Nancy Smith. Nancy Smith was an artist an educator, and an intensive researcher of the observational drawing processes of children. Nancy Smith argued that “by the age of 4 or 5, young children have already developed a number of different drawing systems, picking and choosing which to use and when. In this way, they are much like mature artists. In fact, a 5-year-old can make articulate choices about which of several developing idioms she or he wants to use-the stylized indications of maps diagrams, the selective shapes of schematic or memory based drawing, or the visually detailed alertness of close observational drawing” (1998; Observation Drawing with Children, Teachers College Press, Columbia University.

Children, in the early years of their development, are using their artwork as the building blocks, of a very pivotal foundation for creating a repertoire of systems or strategies for visual meaning-making. The abstract thought process is very much a big part of their growing mental ability to make connections to and relate with their world around them. My question is how can I, as an art educator, nurture this so that they are able to understand this process and not drift away from this ability while they are learning more realistic approaches to art.

I think it is important for me to explore this form of “simple” thinking in young children because in all actuality it is quite complex. I want to learn how abstract thought works in the mind of a child and how I can strive to retain this ability in children, even while they move on to explore the more “realistic” approaches to art. Abstract thought can be learned or “enhanced” to an effective means utilizing art as a tool, if we nurture it starting when the child is very young.

This is a concept that has always captivated me due to my quest to better understand the way my own AD/HD mind works as well as the minds of the children I work with. When a child starts advancing in his or her art training he or she loses a big part of the abstract thought process. This isn’t to say they lose the ability completely; they just stop advancing in the ability until they are older. This loss is partly due to the fact that even in today’s liberal interpretation of the arts, there still is the notion that only representational art is “good art” by the mainstream. Not many art educators spend time trying to get students to understand abstract art and the thought processes that go into creating and understanding why it is an artist creates abstract art, nor have art educators found the courage needed to help parents to understand and nurture their children’s artistic leanings.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I have had parents complain to me that their child is not a good artists because they haven’t mastered the ability to draw realistically. I wish parents wouldn’t say such things especially to their children because creating art realistically has nothing to do with being an artist and often times more than not, a child’s self-esteem in regards to his or her creative expression is deflated beyond repair. When child begins the process of focusing his creative energy into the often times systematic approach to realism- exacting his or her representational approach he or she loses a bit of themselves in the pursuit if this realistic perfection.

The losing of one’s self to the systematic approach of creating realistic art is perhaps the reason why I have started falling away from the detailed highly organized process of creating representational art myself. I have been on an emotional roller coaster in terms of my personal life, which has allowed me to make many astonishing discoveries about who I am. I have begun using my art as a process of healing for myself. Simply exploring my emotions with colors, lines, shapes, etc has opened new doors for me in my own artistic quest. My thought processes I engage in while I am creating are what I find to be most intriguing to me. Sometimes my choices in the artmaking processes are intentional, especially when creating realistic art, but often times they are unconscious, like when I am creating abstract expressionistic style work. The results I find in this process are a lot like coming out of a trance like state only to be pleasantly surprised by what is right there in front me.

In studying the children I work with I am able to see why the arts are so very important to their creative being and I fear it is something we are losing for our students if we continue on the educational quest of creating lessons of art that merely correspond with state requirements meant to give the arts justification and merit in our “test” driven public educational systems. While interdisciplinary lessons are a key component in creating academically strong school systems in this country, these types of lessons cannot become the only pursuit for the arts.

Anderson, T., Millbrandt, M. (2005). Art for life: Authentic Instruction in Art, New York: McGraw-Hill.

Duncum, P. (1999). A case for an art education of everyday aesthetic experience. Studies in Art Education, 40 (4), 101-112.

Efland, A.D. (1990) A history of art education: Intellectual and social currents in teaching the visual arts. New York: Teachers College Press.

Freedman, K. (2000). Social perspectives on art education in the US: Teaching visual culture in a demoncracy. Studies In Art Education.

Freedman, K. (2003). Teaching visual culture: Curriculum, aesthetics, and the social life of art. New York: Teachers College Press.

Jung, C.G. [1921] (1971). Psychological Types, Collected Works, Volume 6, Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Merriam, S.B. (1998). Qualitative research and case study applications in education: Revised and expanded from case study research in education. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Smith, Nancy, and the Drawing Study Group. (1998). Observation Drawing with Children, Teachers College Press, Columbia University, New York.

Smith-Shank, D.L. (2004). What’s your sign? Searching for the semiotic self. In D.L. Smith-Shank (Ed.), Semiotics and visual culture: Sights, signs, and significance (pp. 1-4). Reston, VA: National Art Education Association.

Tavin, K. (2005). Opening re-marks: Critical antecedents of visual culture in art education. Studies in Art Education, 47 (1), 5-22.

Walker, S.R. (2001). Teaching meaning in artmaking: Art education in practice series (M. G. Stewart). Worcester, MA: Davis.

Ta-dah

2010-06-22T16:22:00.000-07:00

This is in essence my studio "sketchbook" for the moment. I will post scrap works in progress, poetry and writing roughs, and the likes...maybe even some outspoken moodswing rants. :) Check back here every so often and I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised, just be forwarned, don't take anything I post or say here literally. I also have a studio blog where I will write about the more productive side of my art career. I enjoy the private messages that get sent my way and I seem to have a lot of "followers" who read what I write regularly but are not on the "in" with the blog following stuff. So I thank you all immensely.

AD/HD and the World Upside Down

2010-06-20T13:39:00.000-07:00

My world has been upside down and barely tolerable. These circumstances wreak havoc on a person like me, who suffers terribly with severe AD/HD. I have shut down, I have not been able to muster the stamina I need for the long haul for staying attentive to the world as it spins “out of control” around me. I have not returned phone calls or emails of those I consider dear friends in months, not even a text message to let them know I am okay. I can’t make sense of anything because I am too afraid to try, I am being completely swallowed by the overwhelming energy it takes me just to wake up in the morning and feign a smile only while trying to convince myself that everything will be alright.

I cleverly lie to myself a lot, it is my well designed coping mechanism I use most successfully , and it works well for me but fails when I try to use it on my mother. She knows me better than I know myself.
I have taken myself off the medication my doctor wanted me to take; I took Strattera religiously for three years only to stop cold turkey in May of 09. I am even more ashamed to say I haven’t been to see my doctor in over a year for fear that she will put me on a new medication to help me deal with my “AD/HD”. I was on Strattera at a very high dose and while it did help me greatly I hated having to be on it. I hated the feeling of not being “all there”, like I was in a distant tunnel deep within myself looking out of unfamiliar eyes and disconnected at my emotional core with the world that surrounded me.

This feeling caused me to relate to my students I work with on a new level. As an art teacher I find the most success with my students who are ADD or AD/HD, ask the music teacher and he will tell you the same thing. There is something about music and art that allows these children to engage with their inner core. This connection is intriguing to me and has become an area I read about extensively because of the interest I have in Art Therapy and because of my interest in knowing and understanding myself better.

The worse part of my job is seeing my highly artistic/musically inclined student come to art for the first time “doped” up on a new medication. This is often preceded by the classroom teacher informing me that that my art class will be so much better now that the “hellion” is “on medications” and she gleefully reports that her classroom is manageable and she can actually teach without having to deal with his disruptions. Really? Are you serious, because that hellion never posed a problem in art or music? That hellion loved art and music.

Now the child who wears the label of being the “disruptive or inattentive hellion” is sitting at his art table with a glazed over lifeless expression in his eyes. His artwork which he was once connected with on an emotional and highly personal level has become as dull and as lifeless as his expression- he now creates his art in an almost systematic way. The music teacher will usually come to me and say how this child is now singing and fingering his instruments in the same way I describe him to be producing his artwork. A piece of his soul is being heavily masked by the effects of some mind altering drug...and it breaks my heart.

But it shouldn’t be a trouble to me because he is now paying attention in class and receiving passing scores on those infamous and rigorous standardized tests that schools systems and their classroom teachers are held accountable for by the government. Art and music are inconsequential in the grand scheme of the educational system. Just fluff and fun not anything substantial and it is far more important for our school systems to teach to the tests. Didn’t you know this?

I am not only an art educator but a working freelance and fine artist, who produces a totally different body of work when medicated than I do when not medicated. My work is structured and boring, to the point of being tired when I am on my Strattera, and when I am off my medications my art becomes an intrinsic tool for communicating my emotional core…communicating the soul of my being. My art becomes alive with the essence of me.

I have a musician friend who is very much in the same boat as me in terms of his ADD. When he is on his medication his approach to his music is systematic and exact almost to the point of being redundant and monotonous, he barely cracks a smile when he is on the stage performing and can become so entirely serious that it makes his performance seem awkward, but when he is off of his medication he essentially becomes his music and together with his instrument he almost transforms into the music he is playing, he becomes alive and jovial, he becomes his music and his music becomes him.

When I am not on my meds other areas of my life outside of my artistic pursuits fall apart, especially my “significant” relationships. I struggle to find the balance and coherence I need to formulate healthy intimate relationships. I can focus on the things I really love (like my art) but everything else slides way off onto the backburner. Boyfriends I have had usually find themselves there. People loved being my roommate in college and graduate school because they said it “felt like I was never there.” I spent most my time working on my art behind a closed door and I’d forget about everything else…including eating.

This trait of my AD/HD destroyed many of my relationships. Boyfriends would comment always, that they felt like I didn’t care about them or that they felt I favored my art over them (actually there are probably a few in there where I did favor my art over them), but needless to say I have had boyfriends tell me they have never felt so “lonely” in a relationship as they did with me. I am struggling to this day with this aspect of me and still find myself hoping and wishing that I can find someone who can truly and totally understand me and love me for me and not take my actions or lack there-of personally.

It is this trait of AD/HD that makes other see us who suffer from it as being “self-centered”. Really I am not self-centered, it is just that when I am in hyper-focus nothing else is relevant to me, and I mean nothing. The world around me could be completely falling apart and I wouldn’t notice right away. I need time to process it all. I don’t notice my relationships are failing until it is too late. I am at a loss when it comes to seeing outside my focus.

When my mother had been diagnosed with Cancer she had called me at college to tell me. It was easier for me to hang up the phone than it was to deal with that issue in “real-time”. It took me awhile to process the weight of that and when I finally did, I became aware of the fact I had hung up on my mother during a moment where she needed the condolence of her only daughter more than anything in the world. I have never felt more horrible than at that moment when I processed all of that. I fell apart so totally that I have never forgiven myself for what I did to my mother or the horrible things I did to myself to deal with all of my guilt and shame.

Working with children on a daily basis has allowed me to connect with them on their level and I can instantly pick out the children who are “like me”. The old adage that it “takes one to know one” rings loud and clear. My parents chose not to medicate me as a child and instead spent a lot of time working with me and helping me learn coping strategies for “focusing”. I was lucky to have a “stay at home mom” who was a teacher. She spent hours with me after school going over the things I should have been learning about while I was in school. The one-on- one tutoring my mother gave me, helped immensely. She made it fun for me, which helped me focus on what I should be learning and always she managed to connect it back to art or writing, two things I loved very much and could focus on.

My mother used interdisciplinary lessons that utilized art, writing, and music, the very things I loved and could endlessly keep me engaged- often times I would be in the infamous “hyper-focus” mode those of us with ADD or AD/HD are so known for. My mother used my weakness and turned it into a positive strength. I think about this and how wonderful it was and how the modern classroom should employ these techniques but aren’t. I also think how nice it would be if every AD/HD child had a mother like mine. I know teachers, who do try, and I try, but it is exhausting simply because the classroom size in the public education setting is “overloaded”. A child like me is simply just lost in the crowd, in fact in today’s classroom any child is simply “lost”- just another face in the crowd. Class sizes are only going to get larger which has me considering making the switch to private school or just jumping ship now and getting my Doctorate so I can research this topic more.

This also is the time of year that causes me a lot of grief, as the teachers are getting their class lists for next year and when they find out they have a “certain” child known for their inattentiveness or hyper activity they start complaining about how that child is going to make their upcoming school year a “living hell.” Before the principals make the lists final, some teachers even start “bartering” their children with one another. “I’ll take three of yours if you take this one.” Believe me, it happens all the time. Some principals allow it, some do not, but on the whole it happens. Then when the list are made public and the parents find out who is in what class, they start their bribing efforts to get their child or “said” child removed from “that” class. This is the time of year I would not want to be a principal and this is the time of year that has me happy I am no longer the “said labeled child” nobody wants in the classroom.

I was not a badly behaved child, I was actually really shy. I was a tomboy and still am today, boys are far easier to get along with than girls. I had (still do have) the hardest time with eye contact when speaking to people. I remember a softball coach of mine in college got so upset with me always looking down that he grabbed my face and forced me to look at him when he spoke to me. I will never forget that to this day and still think that incident contributed to my preference in emailing and texting people over actually having to speak with them face to face or over the phone. Having to respond to someone in “real” time often makes me feel as though I am drowning in the ocean.

The biggest problem I deal with as an adult is my impatience. It is my impatience that contributes wholly to my impulsive behavior and my blurting. It is the root to all my evil. Really it is. I get easily agitated when I am impatient and I say things I shouldn’t and I know I shouldn’t but they still come out of my mouth anyways. I become highly emotional and in this state I really have no control over any action that happens, try as I might.

Acting on impulse and blurting out are still troublesome. Sometimes things come out of my mouth before I even have had the chance to think about them. This actually wasn’t too much of a problem for me growing up, on the account of my shyness, only now as an adult, where I am forced out my “shy shell” it does become a problem. When I am overwhelmed and feeling like I am drowning in the situations of my life, I sometimes say things I shouldn’t say out loud.

I compensate for this by sending emails because it is easier to do it that way than saying it in “real time” and face to face. When I have something to say to a colleague or my boss, I simply email them, it is safer this way. I really have to force myself to think before I speak when I am dealing with “higher powers” or colleagues I have at work. I am less apt to do so when in the company of friends and “familiars” who have for the most part figured me out and know not to take the things I say personally.

I seem to have gone off on a tangent again so I will conclude this here and now as more often than not I can write without ending! I'm long winded you know, having to make up for all the things I don't say in "real time" ;)

~adios for now

Never Cage a Wild Thing

2010-06-09T17:48:00.000-07:00

Understand

2010-06-08T16:06:00.001-07:00

2010 Digital Collage
But then sometimes you are not always destined to be with your twin flame in any one lifetime. I am hoping I find him or someone near close enough ;)

My First Promotional Video!

2010-06-07T17:21:00.000-07:00

Well folks, this is it, my first attempt at a promotional video. First time around isn't a bad deal. I am teaching myself how to do this because I have been playing around with the concept of making a video collage with my poetry and photography. It doesn't hurt to learn it.

Star Wish

2010-06-06T10:34:00.000-07:00

Star Wish

More soul mate concept work. I have been reading Edgar Cayce's book on soul mates and was inspired to make this digital poetic image collage :)

Auscultation of Truth

2010-06-03T16:47:00.000-07:00

The sounds of auscultation are nonexistent within my chest. My heart doesn’t beat these days-it suffocated itself long ago when reality collided with my perfect world. I was the girl with everything with parents like parachutes-always here to pick up my pieces and throw money at my troubles. How lucky I must be, only truthfully the silver-spoon taste really isn’t that great. It has only complicated things in my life.

My thought for today

Graphospasm Released

2010-05-10T09:18:00.000-07:00

I am evaginating myself from a carapace constructed of untruths that has protected me from my jaded reality for so long. I am bleeding these emotional words because I have been in need of the release and for too long I have held them bottled up tightly. I have a need to let them out and repressing them for any longer would not do me any good. Please do not let my words scare you, they are the truth and nothing to fear-just raw emotions translated to words.

I am young still and completely parviscient to the ways of life, but have obtained enough knowledge to proclaim a certain truth that life will always be a mystery. There will be happy moments just as there will be painful moments. I know this because I have lived many happy moments just as I have lived painful ones, as I am living painful ones now and hoping to find soon, the happy ones that await me once I see myself through the hard times. Right now, however, I am hurting terribly.

Oh woe is the windlestraw me.

These feelings I cannot describe, all I can say is I am feeling like I am not able to breathe. My soul has grown emarcid and melancholy stifles my muttered heartbeats. I am lost and there is no one looking for me. Even I have momentarily given up my search for the girl who once smiled and enjoyed the moments brought by each new day. I fear that life has embrangled me to a point of no return. I am struggling back to life and searching for home, a place that has become quite elusive and place that may no longer exist for me. I have lost sight of what I once considered home to be, because home is where the heart is, but my heart has become just a hydriotaphia shell containing the ashes of the love it use to hold.

Abessive is now the spark of excitement that used to be clearly visible in the blue of my eyes. My graupel tears fall heavy, shattering on the floor at my feet, just cold fragments of ice as cold as the blood coursing through my veins has become. I have not known such despair since my mother's long term battle with cancer, and those were very freighteningly dark times for me. I am in a battle of my own right now, and though it is not life and death, I feel terribly alone and I am struggle to come to grips with the fact that I am a long way from my family and friends. I want to cry so badly but I am refusing the breakdown and refusing to let anyone see me like this.
©2010 L.Warren

Endless Monotony

2010-03-22T09:17:00.000-07:00

Complex technology meant to make our tasks easier in fact has only made our lifestyles more complicated. What was wrong with the rising and setting of the sun, the highs and lows of the ocean, and the living cycles flowing beautifully with the natural order of Nature? There isn’t an I-Pod application that will ever come close to replicating what is real and alive. The tick-tock clock tells me another minute has come to pass and I feel as though I am watching a broken humanity from a high vantage point; treetop, mountain top, or perhaps the moon. I am staring down into a perplexing micro-machine world in a kind of delusional detached, fog-like state. People are such strange creatures, day in and day out, they scurry about like rats trapped in a cat’s cage, doing this, doing that, doing each other in a deadbeat routine. They call themselves “alive” but I mustn’t be able to see the “alive” part from this vantage point. I suffocate slightly as I swallow that thought and I shut tight my eyes to hold back tears on the verge of falling and I see a word etched deeply into the back of my eyelids, two word actually- ENDLESS MONOTONY…
©2010 L.Warren

Barefoot and Tomorrows

2010-03-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

70 degrees today finds me in a tiny tank top and short shorts, my feet barefoot against the newly awakened ground, and the birds are orchestrating a song to announce the arrival of Spring at last. New shoots of twirling onion grass and Kentucky blue curl between my toes as I take a seat in a familiar spot by a favorite tree. The images painting pictures in my head are pure poetry but I can’t quite get them out and upon the virgin white canvases I have ready in my studio, so for now I bleed words loudly onto paper to heal the hurt in my heart and head.

A view of the cemetery across the way reminds me those collective granite and marble stones commemorate those mortal tomorrows that have already come to pass for some people and where they are now is known only to them, but I know their souls are somewhere. A new spring yellow daffodil blooms in an unbeautiful location right next to an air conditioning unit. Her brilliant bright yellow petals are a blaze with new life and promise which contrasts sharply against the stark grey cold manmade thing she grows next to. The metaphorical meaning all these things hold for me is almost breath-taking and powerful-I feel slightly rejuvenated and less depressed. I feel hopeful.

The cemetery, the daffodil, the birds, and spring all serve to remind me of the promise of new beginnings, new life, new hope, and new possibility. We are but a moment so we must not be afraid to live a moment. I have a second chance, in fact it must be realized that life is full of second chances and we mustn’t be afraid to take them, to live them, and to hold them tightly in our hearts. There is no certainty what the tomorrows could bring except promises of new possibilities, promises of awakening, and promises of a fresh start. A tomorrow could bring me the possibility of a new pair of arms to lose myself in. A tomorrow could bring me a new smile to turn my strung-bow lips upside down and fill my heart with warmth. I know for sure that in the tomorrows to come I want to live fully.

Today is a beautiful day and tomorrow even more so. Tomorrow I may find myself with a paintbrush in my hand once again, but today the words satisfy me enough. In between the blue flat lines of cheap notebook paper I lose myself with my thoughts and emotions. The descriptive words I write are cleverly designed to bury your eyes in my dark inks. Writers design words for intrigue because reality often times paints a different picture of our physical presence, sometimes rendering us in the cool dull colors of boring. On the outside we all look the same even if we look different because on the outside we are all human.

Tomorrow reminded me today that we are more than just that, so much more. My words and my artwork are the real pieces of me. My art and writing are creations born from something found in the very core of my being, my soul. Our skin is just the sheath that holds our soul and sometimes we forget to look more than skin deep when looking at other people. Though our surface flesh may at sometimes be sewn together rather rudimentary, we have to remember that there is so much more there than just want we see on the surface.

I know my outside may be seen as pretty to some but my outside is also far more boring than my inside. While walking barefoot and thinking about tomorrow today I realized that I exist in the same way you do, as a human soul trapped inside a layer of flesh hoping there are other people out there who can really see me, for me. We exist like a pebble in a brook that no one knows is there until they step on it. No one knows you are there until they see you, feel you, breathe you, and connect with you. My words and my artwork serve that purpose for me, they connect you to me, and they allow you to see me truly as I am meant to be seen, from the inside, not the outside. It is a concept that too many people don’t consider today in this fast paced world and blinded world.

I have also realized today that tomorrow reminds me that we are all living just to die into immortality, and mortal tomorrows remind us that the bones and flesh fall away so we may never truly vanish from the whispering winds of time. We die and are always reborn into something new, what that means to me may be entirely different to you, but in one way or another tomorrow reminds us all that we all have one thing in common…tomorrow , no matter how different our vision tomorrow may be!©2010 L.Warren

A Matter of Time

2010-03-18T08:51:00.000-07:00

Tick-tock time is the creator of change and Tick-tock time is a clever thief; a silent weaver and bleeder of our mind and our life. Time swallows times, devours itself continually like Ouroboros. The first day for us will always and infinitely be our last day because all things begin in order so they can end in order. Time reminds us that just as there is a beginning and an end, there also is not either of both and DNA is the time piece of Eternity-forever-always, growing, changing, and evolving with tick-tock time.

time

once remembered

now forgotten

initially praised,

insulted later

hopes eternal

suffering longer

only change is certain

up and down go together

just as

right and wrong

dark and light

day and night

good and evil

male and female

alive and dead

it is only a matter of time

wait awhile longer

only change is certain

rocks of ages

deserts only

sand and mountains all the same

monuments erected

ruins now crumbled

from dirt return to dirt

man lives to die

only to live again

ashes to ashes

dust to dust

birth to death

death to birth

all over again

only change is certain

in an eternal life

tick-tock time reminds us all

it is only a matter of time

wait a little longer

The Truth is the Lie Vice Versa

2010-03-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

We create lies to make ourselves feel better, we devour them like junk food on blue mood days and pop them like pills to satisfy our need for emotional protection, to shield us from what hurts us so terribly-the real whole truth. We are not emotionally equipped to handle full blown truth or real hard pain. If we were the world would be a terribly cruel cold place. We live because we love and we lie because deep down we hate to hurt others and selfishly we hate to hurt ourselves.

My truth is, I find it hard to lie to others but I am great at lying to myself. I continually tell myself that “everything will be alright,” when really it isn’t, but there is comfort in the protection someone perceives to feel during the act of telling a lie-even to one’s self. My lies become the pillow fluff of the clouds cloaking the stars that are waiting to receive my wishes. Wishes made from vaporous desires, ethereal dreams, and secret hopes.

The truth is, I am terrified right now, I am totally alone without many friends I trust enough to count on. I miss home and I miss my family and I am stuck in a place where there is little left for me. Stuck in a house I bought before the housing bubble burst, stuck in a reality that is a far cry from the one I thought I would be living. I am thirty and that damn clock is tick-tocking away with my life right before my very eyes and there is nothing I can do to slow it down.

When you are thirty, forty comes quickly and the last thing I want to be is a single crotchety old cougar hag vying for the fleeting attentions of younger men or some cat collector without a real family of her own. I want to start over, I need to start over and I want to get my next relationship right but I am terrified of getting hurt. I don’t want to feel the sting of hurt and emotional torment anymore. It is suffocating and tormenting and I have had enough. I was told recently that settling for nothing is a lot better than settling for anything but how do you stop the ache your soul has for something when you settle for nothing?

I am so afraid…

It is spring, the season of new beginnings, the season of blooming promise and prosperity. The blossoms shade my red brimmed eyes with their soft thin edges just enough that no one but me can see the tears that I refuse to relinquish. Their soft thin edges are razor sharp with truth, a truth that cuts my heart in two like the harsh angry words I wish to scream loud enough for the world to hear but my throat is paralyzed by fear and will not open, except to swallow the whole real truth that suffocates my being.

My wishes are mingled with the blossoms that hang from the trees, wishes looking like marrow-sucked hollowed bleached bones… each unfolding petal, like pillow fluff clouds, grows to hide a certain truth, falsely promising me that everything will be okay.

everything will be okay...

©2010 L.Warren

2010-03-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

Is it self-deception or is it self-deprecation? Perhaps reckless caring? What is it about humans that make change so hard for them to accept?
Viscerally I am aware of my own unsettling metamorphosis
Changes over time
cruel time
tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock
I change, people change, nature changes, the world changes with every passing second
Real change is slow
tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tockdrip-drop, drip-drop, drip-drop
water collaborates patiently with time
against the surface of a stone
in its end, the stone loses to change
By imperceptible fractions a slow
alteration in a river's course is created by time.
The night sky fissures and rain falls
drip-drip, drip-drop, drip-droptick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock
against the surface of this earth
raindrops fat and milky white in the lightof the full moon cascade in infinite numbers
from blue-black sky bringing change in every droplet
Thunder as violent as any shift in the San Andreas
rumbles with forever's truth
Humans deceive themselves in by believing they can control that which is beyond their control
Change is out of their control
Forever's Truth
Nature is time, time is Nature, Nature is God, God is truth
©2010 L.Warren

Want to Forget

2010-03-18T07:44:00.000-07:00

Wolves born of contemplation
nipping at the heels of emotion
emotions saturated in
hurt and shades of blue
wolves chasing feelings from heart to mind
cruelly
whereupon I shall dwell on truth
truth stings my mind
I want to forget
thinking is a dangerous sort of
torment
I want to forget
ease the torment
of thinking born from
emotions and feelings
I want to grow numb…
©2010 L.Warren

Ecstasy

2010-03-15T09:48:00.000-07:00

I want to wander beyond
the reach of mankind
capturing rhythms of time in a jar;
tick-tock fireflies
bioluminescent emotions
born of
yesterdays,
todays,
tomorrows,
and forevers…
bioluminescent emotions
lighting the way
to that special place
a special world
so different, so untouched
a world reached only through thought,
only through shared emotion
only by the joining of
two hearts,
two minds,
two souls,
two people…
a secret world found only through love

I would die to know such a place;
If only just once...

I would die to find you
the one who can take me there…

Creative Healing

2010-03-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

The music sings. And the world changes.
The paints blend. And happiness is colored.
sad hearts grow warm
rejuvenated by lovely melodies
a smile momentarily hides frowning lips
and I hear them laugh
for the first time
laughter drowns tears
sad eyes glow
little feet tap
little hands capture
a paintbrush saturated with color
and images dance
across a once blank page
in rythme with the tunes
the music, the art, the mind, the heart
come together in creative dance
for a single moment
troubles melt away
they escape the darkness
that clouds their regular days
days no child should ever suffer through
creative sound, creative mind, creative heart
the creative dance
HEALING SOUNDS
HEALING COLORS
HEALING MINDS
HEALING HEARTS
©2010 L.Warren

Catch

2010-03-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

cleverly weave your words into a shining net
eight lines, two rhymes, one tripling
is all you get
your one chance to catch me if you so dare...
weave your great lines into a shining net
weave them into a perfected triolet
catch me if you can
catch me if you want
I dare you
weave your words cleverly
silent poetry boy
I dare you

©2010 L. Warren

Static Noise

2010-03-15T09:08:00.000-07:00

too loud
static noise

bothersome

i hate it
swallowing the sanity of my mind
what little is left of it

static noise
looks like people
sounds like people

i am tired of people
and their
twisted ways
delusional thoughts
crooked points-of-view
tired, tired, tired
of
this static noise
tired of
people

©2010 L.Warren

Porcelain

2010-03-15T09:03:00.000-07:00

Like porcelain
my heart breaks
spider-veining fissures
grow to consume its last
rythmic beat
of hope...
the knife of reality
stabs at me palyfully
toying with me
a sick game
never taking hold
completely
never finishing the kill
a sea of confusion
washes through my brain
sucking me under
drowning me in fear
my heart's shattered
illusions crash a my feet
destroying the reflections
of broken dreams
and echoed once more
in the dying beat of my heart
before it completely succumbs
to the despair
crimson droplets of tears
streak down my face
staining red
my reality...
©2010 L.Warren

My Heart's Nightmare

2010-03-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

A blooming golden sunrise
chases a daydream to the sky
a daydream colored red
like love, like passion
a daydream of what
I have not
I don't chase chase dreams
anymore
especially dreams of love
love fades away
down the road in twilight
becoming vanished thoughts
perplexing my yesterdays
haunting my tomorrows
while, today, I am left
still contemplating
what love was,

is,

is not
perhaps never will be
for me
my daydream
is

my heart's nightmare

Storm is Over

2010-03-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

The night storm, over at last
the sky becomes starry and cloudless
I noticed the birth of dawn
slowly crowning the horizon.
Daylight flooded the sky
I can consider it now...

the birth of something new
the night storm over at last
the nightmare finished
my new beginning
starting over
©2010 L.Warren

48. Ode on Melancholy

2010-03-08T04:41:00.000-08:00

John Keats (1795–1821). The Poetical Works of John Keats. 1884.

NO, no, go not to Lethe, neither twist
Wolfs-bane, tight-rooted, for its poisonous wine;
Nor suffer thy pale forehead to be kiss’d
By nightshade, ruby grape of Proserpine;
Make not your rosary of yew-berries,
Nor let the beetle, nor the death-moth be
Your mournful Psyche, nor the downy owl
A partner in your sorrow’s mysteries;
For shade to shade will come too drowsily,
And drown the wakeful anguish of the soul.

But when the melancholy fit shall fall
Sudden from heaven like a weeping cloud,
That fosters the droop-headed flowers all,
And hides the green hill in an April shroud;
Then glut thy sorrow on a morning rose,
Or on the rainbow of the salt sand-wave,
Or on the wealth of globed peonies;
Or if thy mistress some rich anger shows,
Emprison her soft hand, and let her rave,
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes.

She dwells with Beauty—Beauty that must die;
And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips
Bidding adieu; and aching Pleasure nigh,
Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:
Ay, in the very temple of Delight
Veil’d Melancholy has her sovran shrine,
Though seen of none save him whose strenuous tongue
Can burst Joy’s grape against his palate fine;
His soul shall taste the sadness of her might,
And be among her cloudy trophies hung.

Deepest Depths Loved Me Down A Sinkable Oblivion

2010-01-18T16:02:00.000-08:00

Deepest Depths Loved Me Down
A Sinkable Oblivion

I want to write in venomous adjectives and verbs that once injected would solidify my soon to be eloquent illustration of what exists in the depths of my mind-in regards to the concepts of love I hold hostage in my heart. Truths, that hurt me terribly and leave me wondering why loving me is so hard for someone else and why it is so hard for me? If only I could find the letters that would burst forth from their paper confinement and assemble at attention the words that would allow me to strategically conspire with my emotions. Words that would aid me in letting it all out, letting it all go... God help me please, I need the release, I need to let go, I need to let it all out-I have reached my brink and I am about to overflow.

If only I could find the right color palette that would allow my mind to translate onto canvas what images I see in my head. These images are terrible…terribly beautiful and wonderfully amazing, all too wrong, but oh so right, but yet I want to let them go too… I need to let them go because I am afraid of drowning in the beautiful depths of desire, but instead I swallow the razorblade of silence and bind my thoughts to my soul. All the while I pretend my paintbrush slithers through rich vermillion capillaries, a color I would surely use to ignite the fuse for the final countdown that precedes my demise. Tick-tock, Tick-tock, Tick-tock…second by second the anticipation over throws the inhibition leaving me alone lost in the rising depths.

I can taste the empty love across my lips and it leaves me parched as I watch the embers of another lost love burn complete while the desperation starts dragging me down into the smoldering remains of what I use to be. Disposing of my imagination and leaving me to remember my fevered dreams. The somber veil of a loveless truth covers my eyes. Am I sinking deeper or is just that the water is rising and I am anchored upon short chain to the seafloor? I don’t know, but it is beautiful still...I’m scared but I am welcoming my oblivion.

I am left tickled by my own fantasies and I want to know what real love is and why it eludes me so? What magic words would I have to chant repeatedly to bind love to me? Which words should fall like a river from my praying lips loud enough to deafen all of my sins like the sound of ten million Hail Mary’s spoken potently off the silken tongues of angles? What do I need to do and who do I need to be to know what love is? Who I am now has only shown me what love isn’t and I am scared that I will never know what it truly is.

Pandemonium is the only friend I have and the few relationships I have been in are like ski slopes only I never quite reach the top and I find the bottom awfully quick and usually flat on my face. I have thought I was in love only to discover it wasn’t love and I am left wondering if I am somehow suffering some inflicted prophecy designed to cause an epidemic between my torrid heart and inquisitive soul…forevermore.

Concepts of love have me lynched by the spider webs of my own fevered dreams. Dreams strewn beneath my feet shattered in a million directions. I only wish to be able to piece them back together but alas, I must admit I am terribly impatient and the silken noose only grows tighter when I try. My reflection in the mirror next to me is terrifying – I see myself choking with the solicitation of my own velvet coated yearnings. Yearnings and desires that slothfully fill my lungs binding my ingénue heart to stories that already had their happy endings. I thought it was love that was supposed to hang gracefully, catching light like stain glass and showering stains of pleasing emotions upon all who receive it, but instead all I see is the taut silken noose around only my neck.

That desire to know love and be loved is like a perfect drug and it arrives effortlessly in all the hearts of those who yearn for it…always on time as predicted. This desire has a way of infiltrating our consciousness leaving our senses satisfied by the intoxication, making us addicts from the beginning. I was told that true love moves in a graceful motion like the ocean and even the stormy waters are always survived because of the truth that exists in real love, but I haven’t felt that effect yet. I have felt the lie of lust that enchants our perceptions that tethers us to void physical satisfaction in a masquerade of hallucinations. I don’t want the illusion or the hallucination anymore I want the real thing. What does the gaze of love look like and would love’s eyes illustrate my reflection? I can’t help but be infatuated by capturing its expression and imprinting it on the back of my eyelids.

It has been said that love’s lips are defined by a labyrinth of soft cracks like veins on petals of crimson roses-provocative and kissable-yet wholesome and so full of bright truth it seems as though the light could blind you. Love is suppose to exist as a real truth but through our materialistic virtue and constant need for instant gratification, it stands instead, like a surreal statue on viewing in the Louvre, for all to look at but never touch, never be within reach. Becoming a fantasy of our deepest longing- a figment we can only crave to be real...and I am still left to hoping while sinking to oblivion in the uncharted depths of an unknown sea that there is still the slightest possibility of true love finding me…
©L.Warren 2010

Square peg…round hole

2010-01-06T08:21:00.000-08:00

square peg…round hole
I don’t fit
bend the piece
make it fit…for awhile
bend the piece

until it breaks

damn…it broke

I am broken

Emotions torment
tears fall

bewail the silence

my thoughts

scattered across pages

acquiring a measure

of immortality

remembered…like ink floating

forever on an atonal manuscript

emotion is

a picture worth

a thousand words

emotion is
a word worth

a thousand pictures

Which has more value?

azure is a pretty word

it colors emotions so well

I am writing pictures

and painting words

but…
I don’t want

my ink to fade

or my paint to crack

I don’t want

my words…my pictures

to grow dim

obscured by time

I want to fit in

square peg…round hole

I fear I will never fit in

In a blink…I see
myself grappling with the hem of time

as it hurries by-stops to wait…for none

How do you capture still moments

that move so quickly?

life is time

life is beautiful…living beautiful time

not to be captured-only to be lived

I wish to fit in…into a beautiful life

Nameless Oeuvre

2010-01-04T09:18:00.000-08:00

I want to write you a missive
but mere mondegreens
would paralyze the paper

paper laced with words;
words meant to be mellifluous
But I cannot write

I have lost my words
Wait! no I misspoke;
the words are not lost

The words are not flowing
or rhyming just stuck
on the tip of my tongue

Out of my reach but there
tormenting me;

those words

Words desiring to be
adroitly conflated
with raw emotion

Words longing to be
SET FREE
to be UNDERSTOOD

But alas I am misunderstood
a peccadillo hiding beneath
flesh of a ridiculous ingenue

If I did know you
I would tell you
I love petrichor

and anything
remotely pelagic
that's why I love horses

I would tell you a secret
I love big words; ones I can write
but cannot pronounce

but even more than those
I love poetic words
and beautiful pictures

I could be your moiety
drifting upon
a foudroyant offing

The piece searching
for a piece-whole heart
the complete puzzle

just out of reach
like my words
I am desperate

to capture; be captured

I would ask you
if you can swim
Yes?! Then swim to me

Adumbrate please
the thoughts on your mind
I would be in love to know

I want the serendipity
in synchronicity
to find me

happenstance
finding what it is
you are not looking for

I want you to
FIND ME because
I am too scared to look for you

serendipity within the sempiternal
close your eyes
can you see?

This is not a poem
or a Nameless Oeuvre
it has a name only you can give it

Métis

2009-12-23T09:54:00.000-08:00

To the New World from over the sea
upon the Mayflower came the Pilgrim in me

An English beginning followed by French, Irish, Welsh, German and Swedish
American Indian blood binding with this

European born ancestral lines of time
a blood that flows through me but does not define
ME
who I am, who I am meant to be

HUMAN

From Michael’s Island
comes the Ojibwe in me-the Aishinaabag
in my grandmother through my mother’s side
blood carried with pride

from mother too comes
Pennacook Abenaki
through my grandfather an adoptee

By way of Minnesota a long time ago
through my father’s line does flow
blood belonging to the Nehiyaw- The Cree
it flows, all of this blood, through me

American Indian born ancestral lines of time
a blood that flows through me but does not define
ME
who I am, who I am meant to be

HUMAN

Between two worlds I stand
with two views of this New World-this beautiful land
How do you choose the side on which you stand?

We are HUMAN together
Creating this inclement weather
People of Red
People of Yellow
People of Black
People of White
People that fight

I have turquoise eyes and white skin
I Identify with the white world- the white kin
but mixed blood, this Métis, is a conflict within

I understand where I come from
because it is what I am- what I have become
yet it does not define me
who I am, who I am meant to be

HUMAN

There is no crime
in being a human in this world in this time
We can be human together
and survive this inclement weather

I stand with a knowledge and perspective
of both sides and beyond
it is up to me how I choose to respond
to a world full of hate
We are human-a form of bipedal primate
with a higher intelligence that tells us NOT TO HATE

We have the same face
We are one race

HUMAN

We all stand with a knowledge and perspective
of all sides and beyond
it is up to us how we choose to respond

Relative of White
Relative of Black
Relative of Yellow
Relative of Red
Relatives of each other

Colors of our skin maybe different

but the color of our blood is the same
our life force our inner flame
burns always Red
and I now understand the word Métis can be shed

There is no such thing as mixed blood in a HUMAN soul
we are a humanity we all comprise the WHOLE
©2009 L. Warren

Quick History Lesson regarding this poem: Generally in academic circles, the term Métis can be used to refer to any combination of persons of mixed Native American and European heritage, although historical definitions for Métis remain. Canada's Indian and Northern Affairs broadly define Métis as those persons of mixed First Nation and European ancestry. The Métis (from French Métis - any person of mixed ancestry) are people of mixed ancestry, such as Nehiyaw (or Anishinaabe) and French, English, or Scottish heritage. According to Indian and Northern Affairs Canada, the Métis were historically the children of French fur traders and Nehiyaw women or, from unions of English or Scottish traders and northern Dene women (Anglo- Métis).

Triangles of Frau Lou

2009-12-22T17:33:00.000-08:00

Oh, Louise Andreas-Salome did you put the trios in ménage trios?
Of you, of your mind, I am so in awe.
You the intellectual whore so misunderstood.
Oh Frau Lou to be like you, I wish I could!

What becomes of the female mind
when intelligence is to become so entwined?
A dangerous woman does it make?
Even Freud feared to be caught in your wake.

Oh, Frau Lou a lover of many men of great mind,
holder of a youthful beauty so pure it could blind.
The triangles of Frau Lou could once dangerously bind,
many a men of great mind.

Hendrik Gillot, Paul Ree, Friedrich Nietzsche, Frederick Carl Andreas,
George Ledebour, Frank Wedekind, Arthur Schnitzler,
Rainer Maria Rilke, Paul Bjerre, Vietor Tausk,
Adler, Carl Jung, Arnold Zweig,
Friedrich Pineless, Sigmund Freud and so many more,
fell under the charm of you, the intellectual whore.
Some loved you, some lusted after you.

Some did neither of both, but all respected you.

You, a keen observer of human nature with an indifference to moral convention,
with a burning desire for intellectual ascension.
You, whose sexuality and intellectual pursuits struggled in suspension.
Oh, Frau Lou your prose, your writings continue to hold my attention.

Louise Andreas-Salome, you found a brother hidden in every man,
only because you wished to live like a man.
A modern day tomboy of your time the women sought to ban.
You, a mastermind of female intelligence with a brilliant plan.

Frau Lou with your Pythagorean friendships and your insatiable intellectual curiosity
challenged the gender roles of your day with such ferocity.
You were Friedrich Nietzsche’s twin-flame and most painful atrocity.
You played a role in turning his mind into a mental monstrosity.

Oh, Frau Lou a lover of many men of great mind,
holder of a youthful beauty so pure it could blind.
The triangles of Frau Lou could once dangerously bind,
many a men of great mind.

A Hedda Gabler in living skin,

the two of you so much a kin.
The similarities seen even by Ibsen,
when he made his famous female protagonist your near twin.

Louise Andreas-Salome did you every psychoanalyze yourself?
Where you happy with yourself?
Did you ever find pride and contentment with yourself?
I have found the one great thing missing in your many works was yourself.

You once said, “Two are at one only when they remain two.”
Did you truly believe this to be true?
Your marriage unconsummated was not so unlike your brilliant works so devoid of you.
The distance between you and all you loved was a truth that was long over due.

I couldn’t help but take notice of your unspoken hurt.
You had empathy for others you would not subvert.
Yet you had an inability to recognize your own hurt,
your own loneliness, your own pain, to yourself you were inert.

Pain is a pleasurable part of life,
a necessary liberating strife.
You knew this well because you studied it with your very own life,

you lived your life with this strife.

Did you ever truly love at all?
Your detailed writings on sex and sexuality could enthrall,
but sex is just sex without love after all.
Were you never so lucky to ever have known true love at all?
(the green is the part I am still working)

Yes, but of course, you were your Romeo Rainer’s moonlight,
and the two of you made up for everything there wasn’t time for in one night.
Fourteen years your junior, oh, Frau Lou how reality does bite.
Your passionate love for him, though not meant to last, did burn bright.

Miss Louise Andreas- Salome, Miss Frau Lou
Truth tells me the triangles bound only you,
within time, within your mind, and your soul, you were bound by you,
within the triangles belonging to Frau Lou.
©2009 L.Warren

Political Rant Derived From the Contagiously False Ideals of Human Lemmings

2009-12-22T09:14:00.001-08:00

*I am really depressed as of lately (Holiday Depression I suppose) and I am fed up with people so excuse my rather misanthropic and antigovernment inclined invective. What does it really matter anyways? I am just one small minute person in the sands of time, a mere fragment of silica in the grand scheme of things. No, I suppose in your mind my writing here is just a grotesque floccinaucinihilipilification! And Yes, I only chose to use this word to deliberately upset those of you who suffer from acute hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobi!

I remember a time in history when writing was a form of magic that was once readily accepted and developed as a method for affecting reality…alas the true writers and gifted poets are dead and the rest of us who try to be can’t measure up because no one dares to read the words or hear the ones spoken by such “misfits” who don’t conform to society’s creed!*

Blind following the blind like always-lemmings they are. Those who believe Obama to be some saint are no different than those who believe Bush to be a religious righteous man worth voting for. This is my vehement rant on the political agenda of our “WESTERN” society. A society that runs on the gears of an industrious materialistic world that has little care for the human experience and holds little value and regard for life, whether that life be human or otherwise. We are a collection of crooked people with crooked values, with crooked morals, and crooked views who dance ever so crookedly to the beautifully disenchanted crooked tunes of Government infrastructures. A tortured humanity.

Governments with agenda’s cleverly disguised as genuine Robin Hood ideals meant to help all and save all. Those Government monsters who speak with such beautiful words, so enticing they are, so easily persuasive they are for the minds of people who are “adjusted”(err indoctrinated) to follow and never lead or think for themselves. We live in societies where people are not a priority and this is the truth, even if you wish not to believe it. Next time you go to the mall think about that when you go to make your next purchase of select designer items… do you really need all that? Our world runs on materialistic greed! There is a child down in the alley outside without a winter coat and holes in his shoes…right here in OUR country-and on millions of street corners across the world!

Every last one of them…those people…Beau Monde wannabes, more concerned with keeping up with the Jones. How many young ladies do you see walking around with $300 Ugg Boots and Northface Jackets with their Coach purses and Gucci sun glasses? How many young men do you see walking around with the latest Apple I-phones or purchasing their expensive game systems, computers, and cars? All the while many of them barely making the minimum payment on their credit cards. Absolute disregard for personal responsibility, but why should they care, the Government is going to “fix” it right? The Government promises so much…and we feed right into this…hook-line-and-sinker…silly little fish.

We have become nothing but a bunch of spoiled children wanting someone else (Government) to take care of us. This isn’t the definition of socialism as I once knew it! What of the smug people with small salaries buying the most expensive houses they could on a zero down inflatable mortgages with absolute disregard to the bubble effect this would cause? Did they honestly think they would be able to afford those houses once the monthly payment increased? No, they didn’t care, because the Government would be there ready and waiting. Yeah that’s right, cleanup up on aisle 10!

Come on, didn’t you know, it is cool to be the one who has everything? That is our goal in life, to have “things”. Materialistic virtue is what we all live for, yeah, we will consider helping others, only after we have acquired all it is we want! Even the First Lady knows this with all twenty-six of her “servants”! The annual cost to taxpayers for such unprecedented attention is approximately $1,750,000 without taking into account the expense of the lavish benefit packages afforded to every attendant.

Little did American voters realize the call for “change” would result in the establishment of an Obama oligarchy. (http://www.canadafreepress.com/index.php/article/13827) Are the Obamas really any different than any other presidential family? Politicians are and always will be completely interchangeable…one and the same…1+1=1 in the world of politics. Let us not forget the plethora of brainwashed “dummies” marching forth from top accredited universities around the world, forming their “opinions”, their “conclusions” and their “ideals” on indoctrinated thought passed on through curriculums within the public fool (I meant school-really I did) systems!

Also the next time you feel the need to help others by donating, can you not be like the majority who asks for a tax return? Heaven forbid you do something gracious and not expect a “favor” in return. What message does that send? Do something good for others as long as you get something out of it and see benefit from helping someone in need? The benefit should merely be the fact that you felt good about doing something great for someone in a desperate situation! I work with a handful of kids each day who live lives in a horrible reality that very few of us could ever imagine. This is wrong, and those very “Governments” that promise so much do very little in the GRAND SCHEME of things!

We have all collectively lost our awareness of our own essence and have otherwise allowed ourselves to become a pawn in someone else’s version of the game called life. Manipulating and managing the reality from behind the scenes is an age-old practice perfected by political and religious institutes over the grand expanse of human existence. People as a whole collective are the only ones who can make things happen who can make change. They don’t need to rely on Government or Religious infrastructures to initiate change. They can do this for themselves if they are willing to work on the same page…if they are willing to do something on their own, willing to go against the “normal” way of doing things. Willing to think for themselves and do for themselves for a change!

People need to wake up rather than support the fraudulent intentions of all acts of war. Threats of war and the creation of enemies serve to keep the masses under control by falsely arousing fearful emotions. War instigates unhealthy social chaos; it releases emotional repression based on feelings of victimhood and disempowerment. It is up to us as “humans” to understand our awareness and our attention to this awareness will determine the version of the world we wish to create! Do we want a peaceful world or do we want to follow the fashionable crowd further down into the depths of materialistic greed the feeds into power and conflict? WAKE UP for a change and think for yourself and consider this world and all the OTHER people who live and share in the human experience.
All of us have collectively lost our grasp of reality…myself included. Can we ever find it again?

There I am done with my rant! I suppose I should welcome any verbal berating that should come by way… as I like to think I have an open mind and intelligent enough to placate healthy discourse!

The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking.

Isometric Isomorphism

2009-12-20T04:17:00.000-08:00

This poem will probably make absolutely no sense to anyone other than myself. I had a dream last night that I was standing in front of a shattered mirror screaming at the top of my lungs over and over again, "Isometric Isomorphism, Isometric Isomorphism!" This is just a weird poem inspired by a weird dream. I think I understand it but I am not sure if anyone else will!

Everyday I wake up to a one dimensional world...

human monotony
religion and politics together-a mind stunting neoteny
what travesty
people blind, not able to see outside and beyond indoctrinated reality
losing piece by piece their absolute totality
disillusioned by their stunted mentality

The Euclidean March I call it
prefected by political propaganda and holy writ

Humanity walks a very thin line
without knowledge of real time

Human monotony limiting us to one dimension
our intellect and consciousness are kept from ascension
handicapping our mind
making the truth so very hard to find

Humanity not thinking beyond one dimension barely seeing two
let alone three or four
or the possibility of there ever being more
no longer having the drive to explore
for a truth they would most certainly adore

They continue this one dimensional thinking
never rethinking
just one dimensional flat thinking

Thinking only inside out and never outside and beyond
just content trying to be part of the beau monde,
that never ceasing pathetic materialistic quest
of which the truly intelligent are never impressed

for the intelligent are always searching
and always researching

continuing to look for all the answers
they are the never tiring intellectual dancers

while the others are stuck in their false reality
that forecasts a certain fatality

Each person trapped on their own embedded layer
unable to see the truth of the universal multilayer

Stuck we are in a complex system of an isometric isomorphism
searching for our hyperbolic quaternion-our magic prism
we are stuck between untruth and truth in a hellish schism

Lucky I have been, for I have gazed through the optical prism
into a world that goes on infinitely outside the hellish schism
I have learned that when ordinary three dimensions of space combine
they form a single dimension of time
a waltz called Minkowski's Spacetime

a four dimensional manifold
a place where many dimensions of possibility unfold
a reality that is a true site to behold

The mindless mass of humanity can have their one dimensional world
I have held the knowledge of the truth unfurled
I have seen the truthful real world

I would rather waltz with Minkowski while singing his tune
than march with Euclidean to his doom

"Space by itself
and time by itself
are doomed
to fade away
into mere shadows
unless they dance
together in unison
preserving their
Independent Reality"

Einstein knew it, so too did Lorentz and Poincare

Chasing after Truth, Time, and Space for eternity shall by a wild affair!

It Doesn’t Rhyme

2009-12-17T03:57:00.000-08:00

The dawn light embalms a nameless husk

She looks an awful lot like me except for the smile

My loneliness echoes on into the coming dusk

If only I have somewhere to go

I am sitting alone in an industrious world

Staring into the flame of a candle

I’ve closed my mind about the past

Open doors do not always lead to new beginnings

Open doors do not always lead home

This is not my home and I shout to empty walls

While those sad songs keep playing

Set on repeat, again and again; looping

Running over every moment through my mind

Old thoughts, hopes, and dreams lost
I know they wouldn’t last

Just more transparent ordinary hours

I am wishing on stars I have never seen

Believing one day the sun will rise again

I wait in vain for a dawn that may not come

And remain still a nameless husk

Walking amongst million of others

Just like me

Seeking their own identity

No longer wanting to be nameless

Reality shrieks- I am just another face in the crowd

SCREAMINGbetweenLINES

2009-12-16T06:17:00.000-08:00

She the BEAUTIFUL marionette
dances on silver fabled STRINGS
to the tune OF
his LIES

MAYBE next year
HE’LL marry her

Five years
a PROMISE ring
bound HER finger

WHITE flag
stained with stale blood
red as ROSES
SHE never RECEIVED
only THORNS instead
PIERCING parables
of love

A story FABLED
from the beginning

five years flew by
a long time holds onto
nothing but
an empty PROMISE

time SAVES
all but
NONE
at least
not HER

WASTED moments
in DESPAIR
the FRACTURES vein
THROUGH a broken mirror
five YEARS bad luck

SHATTERED complexions
WITH many eyes
staring back
at HER expressionless gaze
the true REFLECTION
OF her heart

the hour glass
never did hold
TIME

silica chases silica
on the WHISPERING
winds OF eternity

A once false hope
now whispers TRUTH
with CERTAINTY

he loves her
but is not in love
with her

similarly
her heart ECHOES
the same sentiment
amongst SILENT beats

one marionette string
now breaks
under the tensions
of VERACITY

her tears WASHING
away THE blurred vision
of a FANTASY
she ONCE
BELIEVED

on the horizon
a CLEAN slate

SHE IS STUCK
too hard to go forward
not worth going back

NOT KNOWING
how to begin again
HOW TO START OVER
remaining strings now dissolve
BUT A MARIONETTE NO LONGER!

Unto the Edge of Edges

2009-12-10T08:09:00.000-08:00

Here I am again standing in a familiar spot. My mind and heart are neither here nor there, but running about feverishly everywhere- in too many different directions for me to keep up. I have been here before, many times before. I stand here at this point near the beginning which is the very same point found near the ending. I know that without a beginning there can be no ending and without an ending there is no beginning. Time divides where an object or an area begins and ends. Time is the brink between that which is here and there, past and present, life and death, endings and beginnings. Time is the edgeless point that defines where everything is forever and forever is at the edge of all edges.

I am stuck at this point not sure which direction to take. Do I step forward into a new beginning or do I step back into the familiar territory of an old ending? How could two different directions, two different steps be so different and yet the same? Chances do not present themselves without risks being taken and regrets come to full power when opportunities are missed. There can be no beginnings or endings without risks being taken and opportunities being seized or let go.

Some follow their hearts and some follow their minds, but me, I wait for that right time. A time when my mind catches up to my heart, that very moment when both come to together and meet me on the very spot I stand right now. Opportunity that presents itself during such an alignment as heart and mind is certainly worth taking. It is a rare occurrence, I know, if logic and emotion were ever to meet harmoniously in the middle-never say never, there is always a possibility for wonderful occurrences to happen. Surely a meeting such as this is a promise of finally being able to step forward and capture a moment of forever.

Jumping Off Bridges with the 29th Prime and Sonnet 109

2009-12-09T04:10:00.000-08:00

My mind has been working feverishly at contemplating many of my usual conceptual complexities. Laws of synchronicities and coincidences, recurrence, soul mates, Gematria occurrences, and the likes all are par for the course when it comes to the many musing that whirl about in my head. Last night I found myself considering the number 109 and I really not sure why. I think it started when I was researching some ideas I had come across in regards to soul mates. I stumbled upon a web page where the author discusses a Love Sequence based on the Fibonacci equation sequences. His concept was at first difficult to grasp and I admit my math skills are trivial at best, but he spent countless hours researching graphing and charting his ideas. His findings were interesting and a bit exaggerated but they aroused my curiosity enough to cause me research his concepts further.

The number 109 has a lot of symbolism to it, both in the occult world, masonry, Bible, Torah, and other religious text. It is the 29th prime number as well as being a Chen Prime. 109 is a Prime Number. In math concepts 109 can be Partitioned 55 times with each term no larger than 2. The Number 109 can be Partitioned 1045 times with each term no larger than 3. It is a Centered Triangular Number as well as a Centered 18-gonal Number. The number 109 is also a Centered 36-gonal Number.

109 is also a very unique number because it is also a relevant number with in the Fibonacci series in which case 109 displays the forward and backward sequences and this is further exemplified by the fact that it is a repeating decimal fraction with 108 characters! We are able to see the beginning of the Fibonacci sequence in the LAST 6 digits of the decimal equivalent of 1/109, appearing in REVERSE order starting from the END of the decimal. (i.e., 0,1,1,2,3,5, 8 appears as ...853211). We can take each Fibonacci number, divide it by 10 raised to the power of 109 MINUS its position in the Fibonacci sequence (starting with 0) and add them all together, you get the reciprocal of 109.I know I am probably going out on a limb here as I explore the relevancies of this theory. We can further see a uniqueness in the number 109 when we take another Fibonacci number and divide it by 10 raised to the power of its position in the Fibonacci sequence and add and subtract each alternate term together you get .00917431 which is yet the reciprocal of 109 again. Interesting!

In Chemistry Atomic number 109 represents the chemical element Meitnerium, which is a synthetic element that is produced in small quantities by high-energy ion bombardment, making it a radioactive transuranic element. Then there are specific meanings applied to the number 109 within Gematria that also prove to be very interesting. Within Hebrew Gematria the number 109 has come to hold a number of significant meanings; "Brother of a King", Brother of a Gift", “to be about to take or lay hold of”, “to break forth, to be bright”, "Yah Redeems", "Appointment”, “to eat or devour”, “a store-house, granary”, “quiet, stillness; comfort or ease; settlement (in life or marriage); quietly; resting place”, “a sheath; a body (as the soul's sheath)”, “to be dark”, and “to cover or hide”, are a few of those meanings I have researched. There still is a lot more symbolism that pertains to the number 109 in Masonic codes, and other religious texts, but I will spare you the trouble of having to read all of that. I am sure there are now many of you either baffled or utterly convinced by now that I am insane.

The very fact of the matter is that despite all the verbose paragraphs preceding this one, there was a reason to the relevancy of my interest in the number 109 and it has once again to do with synchronicity and coincidence. I could have obliterated all the paragraphs before this one, but it wouldn’t have been as fun to write. There is also a certain twisted humor for me, in the thought of all you actually trying to read what I have written and making sense of it. During my studies of that number 109 I “accidentally” found William Shakespeare’s Sonnet 109. Sonnet 109 is extremely symbolic to me in regards to the current themes of “temptation, original sin, and love loss” that have been reoccurring in my blogs. I have also been heavily influenced by what has been going on in the media in regards to Tiger Wood’s ordeal. Frankly it has really bothered me, so please keep that in consideration as you read this blog and some of the ones that precede this.

Sonnet 109

O never say that I was false of heart,
Though absence seemed my flame to qualify.
As easy might I from myself depart
As from my soul, which in thy breast doth lie.
That is my home of love; if I have ranged,
Like him that travels I return again,
Just to the time, not with the time exchanged,
So that myself bring water for my stain.
Never believe, though in my nature reigned
All frailties that besiege all kinds of blood,
That it could so preposterously be stained
To leave for nothing all thy sum of good.
For nothing this wide universe I call,
Save thou, my rose; in it thou art my all.

I have always loved this particular Sonnet and the deeper meaning I see in it. I am surprised I didn’t recall it when I first began pondering on the number 109. Again, it is coincidence that I would happen to revisit this piece again, this time with a renewed interest. I admit that I was quit piqued the very first time I read this poem back during my freshman year of college. The understanding I had of this poem at this time was that the poet was revealing how his feelings for a “lover” cool when he is away. Allowing him to partake in many infidelities and he admits that he knows it is wrong but cannot help himself yet proclaims that his love for his “rose” has been strengthened on account of his error or as he calls, his stain.

I should also make note that the particular professor I had during this course was an extreme feminist, naturally she was inclined to persuade our thinking in her direction of thought. She was constantly bashing men every chance she got and Shakespeare sure made it easy with these particular sonnet. I think it is relevant to point her “fem-Nazi” sentiment because later on in my college years I came across the same sonnet this time during a philosophy class being taught by a professor who was openly bisexual. This is interesting because he was one of those who believed that Shakespeare was bisexual if not homosexual and all the sonnets from 109-112 pay homage to Shakespeare’s erotic interest in men, and thus likely to persuade our thoughts in that direction. This dynamic of how your mind and way of thinking is influenced by how it is taught to you and by who is very interesting to me. I can definitely relate this aspect to how religious leaders influence our thoughts in regards to religion and spirituality.

Having matured quite a bit more from those “college” days I am inclined to take a different stance on the poem entirely but still agree that the underlying them of infidelity and sin play a significant role. I believe that the poet is merely comparing and contrasting his innocent youth with his stained adulthood. In the age of innocence he knew right and wrong and was taught to fear the possible consequences of his actions. In adulthood his innocence was no longer protected and temptation was there. Being away from home he made choices that he knew to be wrong but he identifies with them as being a part of his nature- human nature, almost as though he is using this as valediction for his actions. This thought additionally plays into my whole concept of temptation and original sin which I have written about a lot in lieu. The poet is merely apologizing to himself though not asking for forgiveness and the rose is merely a symbol for his innocent youth.

Lines 3-4: = 'It would be as easy for me to separate myself from myself as it would be for me to separate myself from you (my true self- his youth), i.e., it would be impossible'.

Line 5. my home of love - the beloved place to which I always return; my base; my essential being; the core of love, which is my starting and ending point-ranged = wandered, (a euphemism for promiscuity).

Line 6. like him that travels - the phrase may be taken (promiscuously) with what proceeds and what follows.

Think about your youth and how protected and guarded you were in your thinking. Perhaps you were indoctrinated by very religious parents with overbearing fundamental ideals that they passed on to you or used them to set fear in your mind. I remember my youth and the promises I made to myself regarding being a good wholesome person, most of those ideas being enhanced by my parents teachings as well as religious/spiritual beliefs that I was taught. When adulthood came I did break many of these set guidelines I had for myself, but in doing so I learned more about myself, and though I came to regret some of those decisions I certainly didn’t feel as though I needed forgiveness for them. While there are some choices I will forever be guilty about making I am still left thinking if I would be a different person today had I not taken those risks, had I not been tempted to act upon urges.

I still miss that innocence I once had and know that it is in that thought that I still have a “home” where I can seek comfort and security when the world around me gets to unbearable. I still have that bit of youth and with it a certain innocence that is still there deep within me that helps me deal with my adulthood complexities. Like the poet in Sonnet 109, I have sinned and I am stained and I realize that my in “stains” have made me a better person. I have never cheated on a loved one but I have cheated on myself…we all are guilty of that! We must also understand that there is still an innocent rose somewhere deep within all of us that calls us home and comforts us.

Yet the whole trouble I have with this sonnet that it allows me to see my own willingness to accept my sins and in a sense wear my “stain” proudly. Yet the irony here is this bothers me in itself because if everyone were to so willingly accept their mistakes and not seek forgiveness but wear their stains proudly like badges of honor, is this not bad? It is like that age old analogy of “jumping off bridges” if you see one person do it, does it make it all right for you to do it too? So, as you can see it tears me in two and I am left now with more questions than I had when I first started writing this.

Accepting sins thus makes them okay and lessens the weight of guilt and remorse, which can be a dangerous way to live one’s life. I picture the spoiled child whose mother tells him she is not going to give him his lollipop if he doesn’t behave, the child doesn’t behave because he knows his mom will still give him the lollipop. Therefore he has learned nothing in regards to control urges and tantrums because he still gets what he wants in the end. This child grows up to become an adult who goes about doing what he wants in the world with little regard to his behavior and the feelings of others, it’s okay in the end as long as he still gets what he wants.

When ascertaining these deductions of mine I know I must keep in mind that this is entirely subjective thinking on my part and that each person may have their own interpretation of Sonnet 109. I am sure there are some of you who feel I have gone way out on a limb, which I probably have, because that is where my mind likes to take me. Analyzing poetry is like analyzing a painting and the way you interpret it depends solely on how that work is interacting with you.

This concept of analysis is dependent upon the highly personal relationship and dialogue that goes on between an observer and this particular sonnet. In short, having said all of that, I now conclude this lengthy blog here, although I am still contemplating that leap from the proverbial bridge with the 29th Prime and Sonnet 109! There is still much to be learned about the number 109.

A Morning Musing #1

2009-12-09T03:55:00.000-08:00

The Serpentine Mind
Disentangles
From branches of confusion
Uncoils its knowldge to greet the dawn

And sees
In growing light

Great colored, feathered wings
That grew unnoticed in its sleep

Understanding perfectly
In a single rush of joy

It flies above the ancient promises
Beyond where the forest lies
To the sea
The open sea

As rings around the Morning Star
Light corridors through the air

-Quetzalcoatl

Cheese and Wine; Afflictions of an AD/HD Mind

2009-11-05T07:58:00.000-08:00

“One, two, three, four, I think I can make it to one hundred this time, five, six, seven, I hope he’ll notice how hard I am trying to pay attention. Eight, nine, ten, I am sitting on my hands so I won’t fidget, eleven, twelve, thirteen, I have my feet wrapped around my chair legs so I won’t tap my toes. Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, my mom will be so proud of me today, seven, I miss my dog, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, I’m…….”

Lyndsey, Lyndsey, earth to Lyndsey, can you tell the class how I arrived at this answer for the multiplication problem on the board?” Mr. Brooker’s voice entirely shattered the concentration effort I was so completely focused on. I looked blankly at the blackboard, having no clue that we were even in the midst of a multiplication lesson. Panic, fear, and the crippling grip of being totally inescapably overwhelmed stunted any attempt I would try to make to gain control of the situation I was in. I was doomed! I shutdown, I didn’t respond, I sat their looking dumbfounded and praying to God that everyone in the class would stop looking at me. At that moment all I wanted to do was disappear somewhere far away and cry. Mr. Brooker, as always, like so many of my other teachers, merely shook his head in disappointment and said, “Is there anyone who can explain it to us, perhaps someone who was paying attention?” The sarcasm in his tone cut my young soul in two.

I had told myself to keep my eyes on the teacher, to see if I could do so for one hundred seconds, that way he would surely see that I was truly paying attention. The problem was, I needed to concentrate so completely on the task that I didn’t even comprehend a darn thing Mr. Brooker was teaching. Instruction eluded me again, as it always did. This happened a lot during my schooling it happened a lot outside my schooling in fact the simple truth of the matter is it happened all the time.

This inescapable reality of mine left me bitter with resentment, left me feeling like I was stupid, a failure, left me feeling like I was different and left out from everybody else. Why couldn’t I get it, why couldn’t I understand and focus on what the teachers were teaching the class? How did everyone else do this? How did they manage? How come they were able to control their thoughts and feelings and stay focused? Why wasn’t I just like everybody else? A deep-seeded self-hatred began to take root a hatred that would become a large part of my early foundation, a hatred that would take all the energy I could muster- everything I had in me, to control and attempt to overcome much later in my life. A struggle that for the most part, was a silent struggle and no one around me, even those closest to me, would have any idea of what was truly going on within me. It hurt so much, to be so misunderstood, especially as a small child!

The very thing that troubled my childhood so terribly and still causes me anguish today, has a name and it is a name that causes teachers to roll their eyes when they get their class lists at the beginning of the year, saying things like, “good grief I have to have that child in my class! She can’t focus and he can’t sit still! My class is going to be hell this year because of “that” child!” It causes parents to react in denial at school conferences and make excuses for their child’s behavior and lack of attention, excuses that sometimes keeps their very child from getting the very help he or she needs to succeed in school. No one wants to be different and no parent wants to hear their child is different. It is a thing that is quickly “fixed” with strong medications often before any attempts are made to try and deal with it naturally-tragically this occurs at a young age. This horrible awful thing has a name, its Attention Deficit Disorder and a more extreme version of it is called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Inattentive Type.

During my childhood the whole concept of AD/HD was relatively new and still virtually unheard of by the mainstream. Children like me were not understood and many teachers and parents were continually frustrated by us. I remember spending a great deal of time standing on the wall at recess because I had lost my “playtime” privileges because of bad behavior or my inattentiveness. I don’t even remember many of the malicious things I had done to merit the frequent wall visits all I remember is standing on the wall and watching the other children having fun. I remember an elementary math teacher of mine was so upset with my inattentiveness that she had me go sit in a dark storage room located behind her classroom, just so she didn’t have to deal with me-she even shut the door. Once in middle school I spent an entire month by myself eating my lunch on the stage that faced the cafeteria in front of all my peers while they ate their lunches, talk about being ostracized!

You are probably reading this and thinking that I must have been a hellion when I was a child, but that is not the case. In all actuality I was extremely shy, rarely made eye contact with anyone, and tried my best to not bring any attention to myself. In fact I spent so much time concentrating on not being noticed that I neglected the valuable instruction time. Group work was my favorite thing in the world, as it allowed me to blend in and take a back seat while the other kids did the work. Though I never took part in the oral presentations or the discussions, I was highly artistic and creative along with being a good writer so I was usually the one asked to make the posters and write the report once all the other students put the notes together. I excelled in art and English during my schooling and thoroughly enjoyed those subjects. Art allowed me to escape my reality and writing gave me a silent voice that easily flowed between the lines of my notebooks- a much needed release. I did get good grades in schools but they came at a high price. My parents sent me to tutors and programs like Sylvan Learning so I could get a "double dose" of instruction to make sure I made up for what I missed in school.

AD/HD made my childhood complicated and the complications it caused became the foundation I grew up on. Unfortunately it shaped the person I would become. Fortunately, it shaped the person I am today. I say fortunately because the very thing that drove me so mad throughout my life has also been the very thing that brings purpose and meaning to my life. I loved art before I could walk having grown up with a mother who was landscape and seascape painter in addition to being an educator. The mere act of creating brought a certain comfort to me that helped me cope with my AD/HD.

I continue to love art today because it is my escape from an everyday reality that often leaves me overwhelmed and anxiety ridden. Art allows me the freedom to experience fully, reflect freely, and represent my inner voice and feelings without fear. The act of being creative is incredibly healing and this is something I instantly connected with as a child. I am very shy in person and the truth is that even though I am open in my writing (another creative outlet for me) I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to speak to anyone I don’t really know in person. I find it easier to text and email friends than dealing with face-to-face conversations. I was asked recently why I decided to get a Masters in Art Education and go into teaching. My response was short, simple, and to the point, “It was because I hated school and I wanted to bring enjoyment to those who struggle today, like I once did!” AD/HD is where I found a love of art, a love for animals, and a love for working with children.

I love working with children because they are easy to talk to and so forgiving, not so unlike animals. The healing power of art is what led me to many discoveries about myself and human nature. Art helped me step outside of myself and become more accepting of myself and this is something I so desperately want the children I work with to experience! Art allows us to connect with our state of mind that is intensely conscious of both inner experience and of the prompting of the outer world. The creation of art is not based in fear or wariness of the world but in wonder and awareness of the potential to act and interact with the world.

Art gives us the courage to allow our anxieties to release themselves. Carl Rodgers spent many years studying creativity and during his studies he identified anxiety as a necessary component of the creative process-as the maker takes responsibility for formulating and working through a problem (1961). Anxiety is something I know all too well. Anxiety is often the bane of my existence and complicates my daily activities has been a devastating root of evil in my personal and romantic relationships. It is something I struggle to deal with continually.

Aside from art I found an affinity for animals especially dogs and horses because of my AD/HD. I connected with them instantly as a young child, never worried about what they thought of me, I could be me. Most kids, especially high school kids, wanted to “hang-out” and be “social”, but not me. I found my first job at a local riding stable when I was still in middle school and was working “under the table” usually in trade for riding lessons up through high school. I worked at the barn every morning before school and spent my whole weekend there. Mucking stalls, feeding, and riding and enjoying the quiet solitude I found amongst my equine friends. It was such a therapeutic experience and I became very close with many of the horses that were labeled “difficult” and my bond with them didn’t go unnoticed by the trainers there, who frequently allowed me to work these horses.

While working with these horses and the trainers I was taught many training techniques that I would find myself later modifying to use in my classroom with my own students-the human kind. During graduate school I began training “troubled horses” usually horses I found abused and broken at the local racetracks of MD and VA. Working with these horses also led me to discover that human emotion wasn’t so different from the emotions I found in my horses. I began to notice the signs of abuse and neglect in many of the children I worked with and I instantly felt that there was something I could do to make their lives better. That “something” was and will continue to be art!

Rogers, C.R. (1961) Toward a theory of creativity. In On becoming a person. New York: Houghton Mifflin

Lithospheric Limbo the Earth Dance

2009-11-05T07:56:00.000-08:00

The earth is a living breathing entity, the foundation of life, the very essence of the collective whole which encompasses the very need it has to be respected as such. She is constantly changing and evolving. Some of what we, humanity does, will in fact bear the consequences of influencing and hastening these changes. But humanity is not entirely to blame, despite what our collective ego’s like to believe, or what our crooked politicians like to preach in order to sway the voting populace.

No, humans are not to be blamed entirely or be deemed responsible for all of the changes that are continually happening in the world around us. At least, this is how I perceive these changes from my dabbling in Earth Science studies and my “logical” understanding of cause and effect, Law and Order, and of Chaos Theory. What was once desert is now ocean floor, forest now wetlands, plains now rain forest, etc, etc, etc. The earth lives moment by moment in cycles- cycles of time, always evolving, never ceasing. We humans cannot control this, try as we might we are not Gods, we will never be capable of harnessing Nature. The only thing we can truly harness is the knowledge of living with her in a symbiotic harmonious relationship.

So, as we, a collective humanity, spend much time debating and contemplating Global Warming and our destruction over earth’s natural resources, shouldn’t we also focus on living with earth’s changes and how to lessen the effect we have on those changes, especially the naturally occurring ones? Let us not waste precious time contemplating how to control that which is beyond our control, we need to let go of our egos! Logic also tells me that we cannot control nature; for she has her own will her own predetermined course and she will continue to run her course with or without us.

Nature is a large thread within the web of Time. Time and Nature are very much alike both play an integral role within the infinite scheme of life. Nature, like Time, will forever be a virgin to captivity, just out of our reach, well beyond our control. Nature only humbles and allows herself to be manipulated to a degree, but never is she willing to give herself over entirely. Should we push her too far, she will push us back, and the question remains, to what brink will she push us towards? Should we continue the down our current path of trying to be in constant control of her, what lesson will she teach us? What message will she send and will they be more violent than those she has already sent?

Nature has her ways, she ultimately decides which species survives and which do not, so far she has been ever kind to a failing humanity. She is in control of her being and can we as humans accept this? Can we live with this? In the grand scheme of things she has been very vigilant and accommodating with her changes and continually evolving nature. The glaciers are melting, the tides are rising, erosion patterns continue, tectonic plates are ever shifting, the inevitable is happening all around us, every day, every minute, ever second, as Time continues on it ways.The earthhas already begun her accommodations for the largest changes she has in store for herself. So as temperatures change across the earth and tides rise Africa prepares for the birth of its newest ocean.The earth has her own plans you see and there isn’t anything mere humans can do about it. The earth is a beautiful creature, repect her as such!© 2009 L.Warren

The Edge of Forver (part 1)

2009-10-26T07:26:00.000-07:00

The edge of forever lies somewhere between everywhere, here, and there, at the heart of a fulcrum where the beginning without an end can be found. Every soul is bound here and will be forever, this is the way it always has been; from my perspective. I know this to be true and in the writing that will follow I will share some of the experiences I have encountered that have influenced me to find some degree of truth in my beliefs. While I find myself questioning religions, I do thoroughly enjoy studying them. I do also believe there is a higher power that surrounds us, there is something great just out there beyond our reach, beyond our level of understanding, is it the Divine? I do not know. It is the not knowing that allows me to believe in the possibility......and it is the belief that gives me hope, a purpose, and the focus that keeps me asking questions-searching for truth and meaning......

We Are All But Threads of a Web(Part1)

"Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect." Chief Seattle

There once was young mother who moved her family to a quaint New England town, the same town she grew up in. She always loved New England and after having lived everywhere inbetween east, west, noth, and south, she and her husband wanted a permanent place to call home, where they would be close to family and friends, especially the grand parents.
While running errands in the center of town she met a woman named Sue who had two twin daughters the same age as her daughter. They became friends instantly and their friendship would become a foundation on which life's realities, truths, and perspectives would be built; a friendship that would save a life while bringing an element of faith back to the very life saved- all because of two promises that were made between the two friends.
During the fourth year of their friendship Sue was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. The other woman spent hours by her bedside each day with a growing sense of disbelief that any God would be so cruel as to take the life of a young mother away from her family and those she loved. The woman began to question God, religion, her beliefs and in her a harsh and bitter resentment grew.
During Sue's last week of life, Sue told the woman that she was very upset with the woman's anomosities and resentments toward, God, faith, religion, and spirituality in general. She made it clear that these sentiments the woman now held were deeply hurting her. Sue looked sternly and directly in that woman's eyes and proclaimed that there was a rhyme and reason behind all events in one's life and she believed there was more to life than just the physical plane of existence. She knew she had a path to follow and a destiny laid out before her and that her cancer was just a small piece of a much larger picture. She accepted this as truth and wanted the women to accept it as well.
She asked the woman to believe her, under the condition they both make two promises-one to each other. Sue promised the woman that after she died she would show the woman a sign of other infinite possibilities, a sign that would forever allow the woman to believe in something again and find a comforting joy in the mystery of life. She told the lady that you find ulitmate meaning in life when given something to believe in and it was important for the woman to know that as truth.
The woman was skeptical but agreed and inquired about the promise she was to make to Sue. Sue took the woman's hand and told her that she simply wanted the woman to promise her that she would live her life to her fullest potential, be a wonderful mother, a loving wife, find joy in everything she was to do, and most importantly she wanted her to promise she would get a breast exam anually every year.
The woman laughed uncomfortably and stated she didn't see why that last part was necessary because there was no history of cancer of any kind in her family. Sue adamently demanded that it was neccessary and told her she was going to do it without question. Sue handed the woman a beautiful glass christmas ornament she had made and said she made one for each of ther friends during the time she spent bedridden. Her final words, "I want you to think of me and remember the promises we made each year you decorate your christmas tree and know that I love you dearly and will cherish your friendship forever, whatever forever maybe, and don't forget to look for the signs I will send you, I promise."

Sue died three days later and on the morning of that very day the other woman had come down the stairs into her family room to find her 8 year old Christmas Cactus to be with a single bloom. The woman in her heart of hearts knew that her beloved friend must have passed. The plant had never flowered once in all the previous 8 years the woman had owned it and the plant would continued to bare a single flower on each day a loved one would pass, including the family dog, the woman took this to be a sign from her friend. Coincidence? I am not so inclined to believe which brings me on to the next promise made between the two women.....

Two days after a certain Thanksgiving the woman, now much older, was decorating the Christmas tree with her family. This family had a long standing tradition of picking out a tree a and decorating it during the Thanksgivng holiday week. The woman happened upon the beautiful glass ornament Sue made and upon touching it began crying hysterically. Her daughter, who was home from college that week for the holiday, having never seen her mother cry so hard, took her own mother in her arms to comfort her, begging her to tell her what was wrong.

The woman between gasps of breathes began repeating over and over again, that she had never kept her promise she made with Sue. Her daughter, husband, and son had no idea what the woman was talking about but her husband assured her that whatever promise she had made to her friend it wasn't too late to keep it. Two weeks before Christmas the woman went to the doctors for a breast exam, where it was discovered she had breast cancer. The doctors told her she was extremely lucky she came when she did because it was an early detection and therefore her chances of recovering were excellent. The doctor inquired about what had motivated her to come in since women without family histories of cancer were less likely to come in. She reponded, "I made a promise a long time ago and I intend to keep it."

The woman had a lumpectomy along with lymph node dissection and year long radiation therapy. The woman is now nearly 9 years in remission and I couldn't be happier, for this woman is my mother and her story is true. Choose to believe or not, Perhaps it is all coincidence, perhaps not. That is the beauty of the mystery of life.

The Waiting Game & Finding Love

2009-10-20T06:46:00.000-07:00

Our society is fast paced and goal orientated and love does suffer because of this. The pace continues to quicken as technology aids in advancing our lifestyle. Divorce rates are high and growing exponentially and our children are suffering because of this. We are far too quick with our decision making which makes us highly impulsive, especially when it comes to falling in love. The vast majority of us only knows lust and do not know how to be in love. We have been condition to believe that we “fall” in love, get married, and start a family. This conditioning along with our fast-paced goal orientated lifestyle has become a deep seeded evil in our quest to find a deeply loving and meaningful relationship with someone. Our life-style is suffocating the love out of us and has turned us into people who only know how to “do” in love and not “be” in love!

We are all not so different, as humans we share an existence that is similar. We are born into the word and spend a lifetime pursuing truth. During this pursuit we make astonishing discoveries about ourselves, others, human nature, and life. We are desperately trying to figure out the meaning of our lives. What are we suppose to be doing with the limited amount of time we have in this body to accomplish what it is that we need to accomplish? Some of us know exactly what it is that we want to accomplish, while others become the wanderers drifting along for awhile before they find their niche- some never do find it. I have come to consider myself a wanderer and see no shame in it, perhaps I am drifting the right way, perhaps not, but it is a chance I am willing to take.

Just as there is a quest to discovering life there is also a quest to discovering love. Some of us get a lucky break and find true love right off. Some of us find ourselves “impulsively” settling with what we have even though it is not what we need or truly want, but we settle anyways. Some of us never give up hope and continue through a lifetime trying to find that “one”. It is a journey and for some it is never found, not during this lifetime that is the way fate can play its hand. It is what it is. My truth in this matter is that I know I have not found what I am looking for and I am not willing to settle until I know for sure.

Sure I would like to have a family but at what cost? Do I settle with someone I am not entirely happy with just to have children? Surely not, because it would not be fair to my children and it would not be fair to my partner. I firmly believe that too many young people jump into the throws of lust and desire, get married, have kids, and then separate because it has become an impulsive choice influenced by an impulsive world. I have many friends who married in their early to mid twenties, had some children and are now divorced. In conversation with them I often learn that they felt like the “had” to get married because that is what society and “religious dogma” tells them.

If I had I gotten married in my mid twenties I know I would be in the same place many of my friends are in now. Honestly, there was a point in time where I considered marrying my first long term boyfriend because I too, thought it was what I suppose to do. I am so glad that possibility never came to fruition. Too many women and men think this is what they are suppose to do; they get married, become the “good wife” or “good husband”, and start a family. It had always been like this, it has been programmed in us, but times have changed, no longer are we living the “Leave It to Beaver” lifestyle- that lifestyle died out not long after the sitcom.

Cost of living has increased exuberantly and this now means starting a family is a huge financial undertaking, and as we all know, money and finance combine to be one of the main forces of destruction in a marriage. We have not changed our thinking and perspectives to this realization and many people continue to pursue a family lifestyle that just doesn’t exist for the vast population (unless you are made of money). Many mothers would love to have the option of being a stay at home mom, but realty dishes up a cruel taste of needing a second income to maintain a “normal” lifestyle- to be able to give your kids what they need. Husbands and wives around the world are making enormous sacrifices for their kids, sometimes at a detriment to themselves and their relationship. This creates discord, resentment, and often, chaos and destruction in a marriage.

Few men I know were ever ready to have a family back in their twenties and the ones who thought they were are now divorced facing the bitter reality that they have now found their life partner but are “stuck” with past commitments. I know that sounds horrible but I understand the resentment completely. During a recent conversation with a friend of mine told me that no matter how much he loves his children with his first wife, he still wishes he never settled and married especially when he knew she wasn’t the “one” for him. Now he has found the “one” and is happier than ever and even expecting a child with her, but still harbors a deep resentment about his first marriage and guilt over being a distant father with his first kids. I personally do not want to ever know what that feels like. We can judge someone all we want, but truth is we never know what that person is experiencing on a personal level.

I am glad that I did not get married young and I am glad I am not a parent yet. I know for certain now that I was not mature enough at that time for that decision. People are living longer healthier lives (for the most part) and some say thirty has become the new twenty, so with this perspective I know what it is that I am looking for now. I have been in my fair share of relationships to ascertain what it is that I need. I also am mature enough to understand that I have yet to know what love is. I have learned that you can love someone while not being “in love”. I know few people who have been successful “in love”. I have written before about my aunt and uncle and their love, each truly believing that they are each others’ soul mate. When you are around them you can feel the love between them. Love that is pure and innocent is something many of us have not found yet and many of us never will. Love is very hard to find and that is a certain truth that none of us should ever be blind to. Don’t settle on impulse and lust, wait and you will see, hopefully if you are a lucky one, what it is like to truly know love.

Tell Me What It Is
Come--tell me what love is.
Love--that fickle idea of man--
That eludes and escapes those who wish to define it.
Love is the rainbow at the storms end.
The final chord in the grand syphony.
The unwritten stanza that can communicate a message--
Universally.
It is the finale to the fireworks on the Fourth of July--
Another Riddle of the Sphinx,
and always--eternally--Life's greatest mystery.
Unexpected, unpredictable--and bringer of joy or--
Heartbreak.
You are the complete of the puzzle-- And the puzzle itself.
Come--tell me what love is--
and tell my heart why it tears itself from my grasp...
And mourn with me that the colors and notes have faded away--

before I could find some paper.

Circadian Rhythm

2009-08-20T11:52:00.000-07:00

I have been incessantly working for the past 3 hours on my newest Illustration Friday piece that deals with the concept of wrapped. For those of you who do not know, "Illustration Friday is a weekly creative outlet/participatory art exhibit for illustrators and artists of all skill levels. It was designed to challenge participants creatively." Not only is it a great experience but it is one that enables you to build on skill, concepts, networking, and your building your portfolio. Think of it as a visual poetry reading.

I had been struggling with an idea for a couple of days but none of the ideas that came to me really spoke enough to inspire me to push forth and bring them into "reality", that is until my mother called. I am emotionally coming to terms with a difficulty relationship and yet she felt the need to remind me that my own biological clock is ticking and she would really like to have a grandchild before she dies. Do all mothers do this? Kevin and I have been together for a looonnng time yet marriage is a very scary concept for him, for some reason. I want to get married, settle down and have a family!

I think relationships are especially difficult for creative people. I know people don't get me.......I think way too much and analyze everything, I am odd and out of the box, disappear deep within myself, and need long moments of alone time to create my art and write. I am not going to apologize for it, I am who I am.

However by the end of the phone call I was in tears and really upset. Instead of bottling up the emotional assault of this issue, I decided to use it and turn it into a quick illustration study. So instead of drawing something all "wrapped up" or "entwined" I decided to take this real life dilemma that I have been dealing with and feeling really consumed by and "wrapped" up in and put a visual spin on it!

Enjoy..........She is the spouse of Father Time, she is the biological clock, she is Circadian Rhythm :o) and she is totally not done in my typical rendering style...and I am not sure if I am going to keep the numbers. There still is a few areas that need some work but for now I post her as she is.

Quincunx

2009-08-03T01:46:00.000-07:00

In astrology we know a quincunx as a planetary alignment where two planets are 150 degrees from each other. The planets involved in a quincunx do not share the same quality or element and have very little in common with each other. The three words most commonly associated with the astrological Quincunx are; irritation, annoyance, and adjustment. Now, if I am correctly interpreting astrology’s definition right, then I swear I am stuck in a quincunx.

There must be some bizarre planetary alignments going on right now- that is the only possible explanation I can have for the over-abundance of irritations, annoyances, and adjustments that I currently find in my life. Of course this all stems from the fact that I am frustrated with my lack of creative adventure and spontaneity this summer. I have nearly three months to myself and my own artistic endeavors but I am finding it hard to break out and get a body of work done. That isn’t to say that I haven’t finished a handful of pieces, because I have, I just don’t have the “drive” that I normally have and have found it difficult to really dig deep down inside myself and connect with that energy. Have I lost my perspective perhaps?

As a creative person I understand that I will never fit into the category of what is deemed as average or normal. Creative people’s mind-workings can be compared to those of a bi-polar manic depressive as we are often beyond happy with artistic success, or have our hearts broken in frustration and disappointment. The creative highs we get can be dizzying, blinding, exhilarating and the lows can be deep, dark, and seemingly insurmountable. Creative careers are both rewarding and tormenting and yet true lovers of their craft continue onward.

I know that when I am having a great day and the creative juices are flowing well, I am most elated to have been given the gift of creativity. Then I get to thinking, what if I didn’t know this feeling of the creative high? What would my life be like? I wonder how many other artists, musicians, writers, poets, crafters, etc, have ever wondered this very same thought. I know some of my most joyous moments have been found among artistic successes and for that I am grateful and most appreciative.

I do struggle with those ominous dark days with grey clouds that linger so closely to my head that I struggle to put my brush to canvas. The days when I am down and just want to disappear to a place where the world cannot find me, I can be so overwhelmed with the “to dos” and the “should dos” that my tears won’t stop and the panic attack is so real that it takes my breath away. However, despite the panic attacks and the tears I still continue down my creative path and never give up. I haven’t yet, wished to be someone else who has a life that is quiet and predictable and God forbid “a bit normal”. No, I think that sort of existence is one where I would surely perish.

All of us “creative” souls are blessed with the amazing ability to be able to hear the music in everything. The music plays louder and much more melodic to us than to anyone else. We will strive to pursue a project or an artful task and we do not consider a piece finished until it sings to us…and perhaps only to us. That is the gift and the burden we share as creative spirits and artistic souls. After having written all this gobbledygook I have now come to realize that perhaps the way my life is best described is by the mathematical definition of the word quincunx. I am the single dot in the middle of four corner points which represent the four things in my life that I love most……..art, family, education, and animals.

A Literary Movement Less Observed & Barely Given a Name

2009-08-03T01:44:00.000-07:00

“House of Dawn” by Navarro Scott Momaday, if you haven’t read it, I highly suggest you pick it up and start. I have read it three times and now after having recently read “History of the Ojibway People” written by my own relative, William Whipple Warren, for the fourth time, I have found myself in deep contemplation about many amazing works of literature by America’s indigenous that have been passed by and overlooked by the self-proclaimed literary elites. Why? Because these writers hold such a riveting truth about circumstances from the past and present that it is only necessary to keep them silenced? Is it a racial thing? Just what is the main reason there is so little emphasis placed on the literary stance of the indigenous peoples of North America?

It is not my intention to demean the eminent writers and poets who have found their respective homes among the great literary movements of our times. No, my intention is to place a fraction of blame on the supercilious scholars of the literary world, who, with their bombastic lectures on literary criticism have had a hand in establishing the popularity or lack of, of a given movement, author,or poet- they collectively hold a power that is not so unlike the media's power in today’s political arena.

Let it be known that I am not saying those literary movements, writers, or poets are not deserving of their merit, I am just merely suggesting that perhaps they wouldn’t be as “favored” if the literary critics and scholars hadn’t placed so much emphasis upon them in the first place. Any intelligent free-thinking individual is well aware of the fact that people always follow what they perceive as being popular or in style at the moment and the mavericks are always criticized and chastised for their so-called unconventional ways.

There are a great many writers and poets who slip through the cracks, whose eloquent words go barely unnoticed due to these circumstances. My main focus in this rather verbose diatribe is on American Literature and its obvious lack of a certain indigenous voice that deserves to be recognized on a grand scale. There are many notable movements within American Literature and yet I am saddened by the fact that there is relatively no emphasis in American Literature placed on the writings by America’s indigenous people, past and or present. I find this to be a humiliating ignominious dismissal of honorable writing talent, a denial of a writing talent that can play an integral albeit vital role within the realm of American Literature.

Navarro Scott Momaday is really still the only Native writer who has received distinguished merit in the literary world and he first did so with his book, “House Made of Dawn”, which won him the Pulitzer Prize in Fiction back in 1969. If you have not read this book, and consider yourself a well-read person, I say once again that you get a copy as soon as you are able to.

Despite all of Momaday’s writing success there still hasn’t been much done to bring the works of other indigenous writers to the forefront. I also see this trend within the art, music, and acting, realms as well, which again, is very unfortunate. Even Black writers, poets, actors, musicians, as a collective whole see more success than Native Americans within these creative fields. My question is why is it so hard for the Native writers, artists, muscians, actors to get noticed? I still cannot find a specific answer to this question to better help me understand this reality and if anyone out there has a clue or opinion to this, then please by all means, enlighten me.

The indigenous cultures of North America have stories of old oral traditions that are being captured by pen, brush, and instrument by a plethora of very talented indigenous writers, poets, artists, and even musicians, and yet they slip by barely noticed by the collective masses. Native American culture is steeped in oral tradition and the younger native generations are just now realizing that this oral tradition does need to be captured and contained within pages of bound books and codes of websites. It is the only way to save what should never be forgotten. There is a history deep-rooted here in this great North American continent that needs to be explored and remembered and the indigenous cultures are the only ones capable of bringing these stories to life-to share their experiences and truths. I have grown tired of seeing “non-natives” writing about Native American cultures, stories, traditions, and songs. It is a huge travesty to see writers who are not Native American writing about the "true Native experience" when they themselves are not Native. I also want to see more Native American literature being offered in English courses at the high school level and I want to see literature that is written by Native Americans themselves.

I have heard many literary scholars and critics make the accusation that Native American’s did not have a substantial English-language education until the mid to late nineties and that is the reason behind why indigenous writers are not recognized as highly within the literary world. This is a mendacious claim at best and one that is the malefactor behind the lack of notoriety indigenous writers in America are getting. I am sure it does play a partial role but I am more inclined to believe that a political role has the upper hand in this matter. Let me remind you that my relative, William Whipple Warren, wrote an amazing literary account of his time in the early 1800s. The book he wrote, “History of the Ojibway People” wasn’t published until after his death in 1885 but the book is still published today and has been used at the college level in “few” Native American studies programs.

The worth of William Warren’s book is great and I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in Native American Literature, culture, and history. I am not biased in recommending this book because he is a relative, I really truly believe it to be an honest account of the reality of the times. What I have always found astounding about his book is it opens doors to understanding the racism of that time period and the inner struggle the author had with being of “mixed-blood”. His father was white and his mother was French-Ojibway, he lived in both worlds in a time when one world was virtually devouring the other. To read his account of the changes and the occurrences that was happening around him really enlightens the reader to his difficult reality- perhaps a reality responsible for the decline of his health and cutting him down so early in life. William Whipple Warren had many plans to write more books and wanted desperately to write a book that documented and captured the culture of the Ojibway people before their “forced assimilation".

Much of what he wrote was tailored to suite the “Christian-minded” Anglo-Saxon “immigrants” on advice of his own “white” friends, who told him that Christian people would not be able to understand the spiritual beliefs or customs of the native people. In reality we all know what was meant by that sentiment, as we all know how “not-so” understanding Christians have been towards other religions and beliefs in the past-and present. Large portions of his book were indeed changed so it would be more widely accepted. This no-doubt upset him greatly because he wanted the truth to be told, as any good writer does. His experience was real and he wanted that reality to be shared in a hope that it would be understood. But that could not happen, he was ahead of his time, and I believe it was this knowledge that broke him so indescribably so.

I do know that a literary critic by the name of Kenneth Lincoln was the first to ever make an attempt to label the Native American Literary movement and he called it the Native American Renaissance in a book he wrote by that same name. However it was a name that was never utilized by the rest of the scholars of the literary world, instead they did what they did best-they criticized it. They even went so-far-as to say that the name had vexing implications and had disparaging connotations, and I am not so inclined to agree.

I personally believe that Kenneth Lincoln’s book is a seminal work that has opened doors ever so slightly into a realm of writing that deserves a name and deserves to be widely recognized as a specific literary movement. I am left pondering one essential question…if the critics and the almighty literary scholars found the name, Native American Renaissance, so demeaning, then why haven’t they come up with a better one? It has been over 20 years since Kenneth Lincoln coined a name and yet no one has tried since.

Just what is keeping the scholars and critics from acknowledging Native American writers on a grander scale? While I continue to ponder this question I will go about my time reading books by Navarro Scott Momaday, Joseph Bruchac, Douglas M. George Kanentiio, James Welch, Gerald Vizenor, Leslie Marmon Silko, Simon J. Ortiz, Nila Northsun, Louise Erdrich, Joy Harjo, Duane Niatum, Paula Gunn Allen……………..

I’ll leave you with your Cavalier Poets, your authors of Romanticism, Transcendentalism, Naturalism, Symbolism, Modernism; you can study writers of The Lost Generation, read poetry and prose from Imaginism or of Oulipo, or of any other movement if you so choose, but do not forget there are other writers out there, Native American or otherwise, who have words worthy of your attention that slip on by without notice, and it is such a shame. One thing is for sure, the written word is bound in time between leather and cardboard, so when we are all collectively ready to read beyond what we know as “great” literature, those books will be there waiting, perhaps a little dusty, but they will be there…………….and we will learn a great deal.

The Words That Set Me Free

2009-08-03T01:43:00.000-07:00

I walked to a peaceful place where I could be alone.

I walked to the place where I could write a poem, or two, or three.

It was then I realised that there was something more than just me.

The words were at my place, untouched by time,

filling an emptiness I had felt before.

But that went away, and even more, I could picture myself above a tree,

In this secreat place, where I hover

like a bird above the words

that set me free.