My mind has been working feverishly at contemplating many of my usual conceptual complexities. Laws of synchronicities and coincidences, recurrence, soul mates, Gematria occurrences, and the likes all are par for the course when it comes to the many musing that whirl about in my head. Last night I found myself considering the number 109 and I really not sure why. I think it started when I was researching some ideas I had come across in regards to soul mates. I stumbled upon a web page where the author discusses a Love Sequence based on the Fibonacci equation sequences. His concept was at first difficult to grasp and I admit my math skills are trivial at best, but he spent countless hours researching graphing and charting his ideas. His findings were interesting and a bit exaggerated but they aroused my curiosity enough to cause me research his concepts further.
The number 109 has a lot of symbolism to it, both in the occult world, masonry, Bible, Torah, and other religious text. It is the 29th prime number as well as being a Chen Prime. 109 is a Prime Number. In math concepts 109 can be Partitioned 55 times with each term no larger than 2. The Number 109 can be Partitioned 1045 times with each term no larger than 3. It is a Centered Triangular Number as well as a Centered 18-gonal Number. The number 109 is also a Centered 36-gonal Number.
109 is also a very unique number because it is also a relevant number with in the Fibonacci series in which case 109 displays the forward and backward sequences and this is further exemplified by the fact that it is a repeating decimal fraction with 108 characters! We are able to see the beginning of the Fibonacci sequence in the LAST 6 digits of the decimal equivalent of 1/109, appearing in REVERSE order starting from the END of the decimal. (i.e., 0,1,1,2,3,5, 8 appears as ...853211). We can take each Fibonacci number, divide it by 10 raised to the power of 109 MINUS its position in the Fibonacci sequence (starting with 0) and add them all together, you get the reciprocal of 109.I know I am probably going out on a limb here as I explore the relevancies of this theory. We can further see a uniqueness in the number 109 when we take another Fibonacci number and divide it by 10 raised to the power of its position in the Fibonacci sequence and add and subtract each alternate term together you get .00917431 which is yet the reciprocal of 109 again. Interesting!
In Chemistry Atomic number 109 represents the chemical element Meitnerium, which is a synthetic element that is produced in small quantities by high-energy ion bombardment, making it a radioactive transuranic element. Then there are specific meanings applied to the number 109 within Gematria that also prove to be very interesting. Within Hebrew Gematria the number 109 has come to hold a number of significant meanings; "Brother of a King", Brother of a Gift", “to be about to take or lay hold of”, “to break forth, to be bright”, "Yah Redeems", "Appointment”, “to eat or devour”, “a store-house, granary”, “quiet, stillness; comfort or ease; settlement (in life or marriage); quietly; resting place”, “a sheath; a body (as the soul's sheath)”, “to be dark”, and “to cover or hide”, are a few of those meanings I have researched. There still is a lot more symbolism that pertains to the number 109 in Masonic codes, and other religious texts, but I will spare you the trouble of having to read all of that. I am sure there are now many of you either baffled or utterly convinced by now that I am insane.
The very fact of the matter is that despite all the verbose paragraphs preceding this one, there was a reason to the relevancy of my interest in the number 109 and it has once again to do with synchronicity and coincidence. I could have obliterated all the paragraphs before this one, but it wouldn’t have been as fun to write. There is also a certain twisted humor for me, in the thought of all you actually trying to read what I have written and making sense of it. During my studies of that number 109 I “accidentally” found William Shakespeare’s Sonnet 109. Sonnet 109 is extremely symbolic to me in regards to the current themes of “temptation, original sin, and love loss” that have been reoccurring in my blogs. I have also been heavily influenced by what has been going on in the media in regards to Tiger Wood’s ordeal. Frankly it has really bothered me, so please keep that in consideration as you read this blog and some of the ones that precede this.
Sonnet 109
O never say that I was false of heart,
Though absence seemed my flame to qualify.
As easy might I from myself depart
As from my soul, which in thy breast doth lie.
That is my home of love; if I have ranged,
Like him that travels I return again,
Just to the time, not with the time exchanged,
So that myself bring water for my stain.
Never believe, though in my nature reigned
All frailties that besiege all kinds of blood,
That it could so preposterously be stained
To leave for nothing all thy sum of good.
For nothing this wide universe I call,
Save thou, my rose; in it thou art my all.
I have always loved this particular Sonnet and the deeper meaning I see in it. I am surprised I didn’t recall it when I first began pondering on the number 109. Again, it is coincidence that I would happen to revisit this piece again, this time with a renewed interest. I admit that I was quit piqued the very first time I read this poem back during my freshman year of college. The understanding I had of this poem at this time was that the poet was revealing how his feelings for a “lover” cool when he is away. Allowing him to partake in many infidelities and he admits that he knows it is wrong but cannot help himself yet proclaims that his love for his “rose” has been strengthened on account of his error or as he calls, his stain.
I should also make note that the particular professor I had during this course was an extreme feminist, naturally she was inclined to persuade our thinking in her direction of thought. She was constantly bashing men every chance she got and Shakespeare sure made it easy with these particular sonnet. I think it is relevant to point her “fem-Nazi” sentiment because later on in my college years I came across the same sonnet this time during a philosophy class being taught by a professor who was openly bisexual. This is interesting because he was one of those who believed that Shakespeare was bisexual if not homosexual and all the sonnets from 109-112 pay homage to Shakespeare’s erotic interest in men, and thus likely to persuade our thoughts in that direction. This dynamic of how your mind and way of thinking is influenced by how it is taught to you and by who is very interesting to me. I can definitely relate this aspect to how religious leaders influence our thoughts in regards to religion and spirituality.
Having matured quite a bit more from those “college” days I am inclined to take a different stance on the poem entirely but still agree that the underlying them of infidelity and sin play a significant role. I believe that the poet is merely comparing and contrasting his innocent youth with his stained adulthood. In the age of innocence he knew right and wrong and was taught to fear the possible consequences of his actions. In adulthood his innocence was no longer protected and temptation was there. Being away from home he made choices that he knew to be wrong but he identifies with them as being a part of his nature- human nature, almost as though he is using this as valediction for his actions. This thought additionally plays into my whole concept of temptation and original sin which I have written about a lot in lieu. The poet is merely apologizing to himself though not asking for forgiveness and the rose is merely a symbol for his innocent youth.
Lines 3-4: = 'It would be as easy for me to separate myself from myself as it would be for me to separate myself from you (my true self- his youth), i.e., it would be impossible'.
Line 5. my home of love - the beloved place to which I always return; my base; my essential being; the core of love, which is my starting and ending point-ranged = wandered, (a euphemism for promiscuity).
Line 6. like him that travels - the phrase may be taken (promiscuously) with what proceeds and what follows.
Think about your youth and how protected and guarded you were in your thinking. Perhaps you were indoctrinated by very religious parents with overbearing fundamental ideals that they passed on to you or used them to set fear in your mind. I remember my youth and the promises I made to myself regarding being a good wholesome person, most of those ideas being enhanced by my parents teachings as well as religious/spiritual beliefs that I was taught. When adulthood came I did break many of these set guidelines I had for myself, but in doing so I learned more about myself, and though I came to regret some of those decisions I certainly didn’t feel as though I needed forgiveness for them. While there are some choices I will forever be guilty about making I am still left thinking if I would be a different person today had I not taken those risks, had I not been tempted to act upon urges.
I still miss that innocence I once had and know that it is in that thought that I still have a “home” where I can seek comfort and security when the world around me gets to unbearable. I still have that bit of youth and with it a certain innocence that is still there deep within me that helps me deal with my adulthood complexities. Like the poet in Sonnet 109, I have sinned and I am stained and I realize that my in “stains” have made me a better person. I have never cheated on a loved one but I have cheated on myself…we all are guilty of that! We must also understand that there is still an innocent rose somewhere deep within all of us that calls us home and comforts us.
Yet the whole trouble I have with this sonnet that it allows me to see my own willingness to accept my sins and in a sense wear my “stain” proudly. Yet the irony here is this bothers me in itself because if everyone were to so willingly accept their mistakes and not seek forgiveness but wear their stains proudly like badges of honor, is this not bad? It is like that age old analogy of “jumping off bridges” if you see one person do it, does it make it all right for you to do it too? So, as you can see it tears me in two and I am left now with more questions than I had when I first started writing this.
Accepting sins thus makes them okay and lessens the weight of guilt and remorse, which can be a dangerous way to live one’s life. I picture the spoiled child whose mother tells him she is not going to give him his lollipop if he doesn’t behave, the child doesn’t behave because he knows his mom will still give him the lollipop. Therefore he has learned nothing in regards to control urges and tantrums because he still gets what he wants in the end. This child grows up to become an adult who goes about doing what he wants in the world with little regard to his behavior and the feelings of others, it’s okay in the end as long as he still gets what he wants.
When ascertaining these deductions of mine I know I must keep in mind that this is entirely subjective thinking on my part and that each person may have their own interpretation of Sonnet 109. I am sure there are some of you who feel I have gone way out on a limb, which I probably have, because that is where my mind likes to take me. Analyzing poetry is like analyzing a painting and the way you interpret it depends solely on how that work is interacting with you.
This concept of analysis is dependent upon the highly personal relationship and dialogue that goes on between an observer and this particular sonnet. In short, having said all of that, I now conclude this lengthy blog here, although I am still contemplating that leap from the proverbial bridge with the 29th Prime and Sonnet 109! There is still much to be learned about the number 109.
