Monday, May 10, 2010

Graphospasm Released

I am evaginating myself from a carapace constructed of untruths that has protected me from my jaded reality for so long. I am bleeding these emotional words because I have been in need of the release and for too long I have held them bottled up tightly. I have a need to let them out and repressing them for any longer would not do me any good. Please do not let my words scare you, they are the truth and nothing to fear-just raw emotions translated to words.

I am young still and completely parviscient to the ways of life, but have obtained enough knowledge to proclaim a certain truth that life will always be a mystery. There will be happy moments just as there will be painful moments. I know this because I have lived many happy moments just as I have lived painful ones, as I am living painful ones now and hoping to find soon, the happy ones that await me once I see myself through the hard times. Right now, however, I am hurting terribly.

Oh woe is the windlestraw me.

These feelings I cannot describe, all I can say is I am feeling like I am not able to breathe. My soul has grown emarcid and melancholy stifles my muttered heartbeats. I am lost and there is no one looking for me. Even I have momentarily given up my search for the girl who once smiled and enjoyed the moments brought by each new day. I fear that life has embrangled me to a point of no return. I am struggling back to life and searching for home, a place that has become quite elusive and place that may no longer exist for me. I have lost sight of what I once considered home to be, because home is where the heart is, but my heart has become just a hydriotaphia shell containing the ashes of the love it use to hold.

Abessive is now the spark of excitement that used to be clearly visible in the blue of my eyes. My graupel tears fall heavy, shattering on the floor at my feet, just cold fragments of ice as cold as the blood coursing through my veins has become. I have not known such despair since my mother's long term battle with cancer, and those were very freighteningly dark times for me. I am in a battle of my own right now, and though it is not life and death, I feel terribly alone and I am struggle to come to grips with the fact that I am a long way from my family and friends. I want to cry so badly but I am refusing the breakdown and refusing to let anyone see me like this.
©2010 L.Warren