Monday, August 3, 2009

The Dry Spell

The walls are tumbling in. I can’t breathe. I am upside down, inside out, I can’t find myself. Perplexed, confused, and scared, and seeing no end. Sanity slips ever so quickly from my grasp. I am losing myself, “Momma Hen, Momma Hen, the fox has taken your baby again…………………………..”

First off let me say that I have been in a slump lately and honestly the very last place I want to be right now is in my studio. I feel completely stuck and the creative juices just aren’t flowing as readily as I would like them to be. I know my blogs and recent posting have a lot of people wondering what on earth is going on with this poor artist; well a lot has been going on and I have had some trouble coping, but I am coping- however slowly that might be. I am stuck in a rut, a creative dry-spell. Something all my artist and music friends can surely relate to and understand where I am coming from!

I have, by all accounts, totally shut down and am currently riding a massive wave of depression. This is the worse amount of depression I have ever suffered and it has hit like a ton of bricks. It has occurred to me that I haven’t had a chance to “get away” for over four years and those who know me well, know that I don’t stick around in one place for very long. Sometimes I regret having bought a house in Virginia, actually if I must be blunt and honest, it isn’t just sometimes that I regret it, it is all the time.

I am not use to having “roots” anywhere other than New England, my childhood home-between land and sea. I have since 2002 liked the freedom of being able to get up and move whenever I have that urge. Perhaps this is just the Sagittarius nature of my character speaking at the moment, but none-the-less I have a great desire to go “somewhere”. I have decided that since I have nearly the next three months to myself I am going to abscond to a place where I can relax, collect my thoughts, and take a refreshing moment to pick up the shattered pieces of my life.…….New England calls and the ocean calls loudest!

I miss home terribly and I am beginning to think that Virginia is completely inescapable and that is partly due to its enormous size. I am used to being able to hop in the car and drive 45 minutes and be in another state, as is such the case when you live in the New England area. I can drive an hour from my home in CT and be in Boston, two hours from my home in CT going in another direction and I can be in Vermont skiing. Then of course an hour in yet another direction and I am in Rhode Island, here in Virginia, an hour gets me to the Grocery store. I miss my small quaint towns where everyone knows everyone and they aren’t living at the speed of light, like they do here in NOVA outside of DC.

I apologize to my endearing friends, whether I know you in reality or this cyber world. You have had a hand in helping me through some rough patches and you are all there to support my art and my creative ideas. Thanks for the phone calls, the text messages, those emails, and some wonderfully uplifting music that has been sent my way; you have all played an inspiring role in my life. Thank you all! Please know that if it wasn’t for you all I probably have greater trouble climbing out of this ominous black hole.

I did actually pick up a pencil and draw today so maybe I will find my old self soon!

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