Creative Insecurity

I recently read an article in this month’s Somerset Studio issue entitled "Creative Insecurity" by Quinn McDonald. It resonated deeply with the current struggles I have seen myself slip into during my own creative journeys. Quinn McDonald stated that, "Creative Insecurity occurs when we receive praise or recognition" and I would like to add, when we receive criticism, and when we are consumed by our own fear of exploring all creative possibilities.

Facing our insecurities is hard but worthwhile work if we choose to combat them. I am at the point in my creative path where I have to make a decision and choose. I want to be a full time artist. That is my dream, but the criticism I hear often, is that an artist needs a day job don’t ever count on making a living with your art. This sets me back and snuffs my dreams each time I hear it, and it hurts me so much because the one person who says this is the one person I admire the most, my mother. Yet she is also the one person that gives me the drive to keep pursuing my dream, so I can prove to her I can do this and be successful with my art. It would mean the world to me to prove this to her.

I am working diligently on two children’s books that I am very excited about, for those of you who know me personally, you all know that I have a goal of one day winning a Caldecott Medal. It may be a reach, but one that is certainly worth the effort. I also want to settle down and start a family, and this is by far and large my biggest dream, and one that truly fuels my desire to be a full time working artist. Being able to work from home while raising my own family is very important to me, and I will make no compromise on this, what-so-ever, otherwise I will not even consider having a family.

So I am slowly coming to terms with my bag of neurosis called, Creative Insecurity, and starting to plan and strategize the rest of my life and the future of my artistic endeavors. The artist inside me has realized that when we look at all of the elements of anxiety and insecurity and sit with them instead of run from them, they no longer look big or pursue us, we open up and become more creative. In fact I have found much inspiration in this realization, enough to allow me to explore new directions to take my own art. This has caused me to create pieces that are uniquely speaking from my core being in a way that I have not been able to do before. I have found a creative voice that speaks from the art that I create. I am excited to be creating fine art that is more evocative of my personality and I look forward to sharing that piece of myself with you in the months to come!